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John Calipari's Daughter Lays Sick Burn On Louisville Fans

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After a Louisville newspaper made fun of Nerlens Noel's season ending injury, the Kentucky coach's daughter fired back in cartoon form. She's a regular Charles Schulz.

Image by Charles Bertram/Lexington Herald-Leader/MCT

Kentucky star freshman Nerlens Noel suffered a horrendous knee injury during a game against Florida last week that ended his season with a torn ACL. Not only does Noel's injury hinder Kentucky's quest to return to the NCAA Tournament, it throws his NBA draft status in flux. Most rational people, even if they dislike Kentucky, wouldn't go making jokes about such a severe injury that significantly alters a young man's life. The Louisville Courier-Journal, however, went there.

Louisville and Kentucky are fierce rivals. This cartoon appeared in the Louisville newspaper yesterday.

Louisville and Kentucky are fierce rivals. This cartoon appeared in the Louisville newspaper yesterday.

Via: thecardinalconnect.com

It understandably pissed off a few people, including Erin Calipari, the daughter of Kentucky coach John Calipari.

It understandably pissed off a few people, including Erin Calipari, the daughter of Kentucky coach John Calipari.

Via: @TheErinCalipari


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Tim Tebow Cancels Speech At Gay-Hating Church

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A Tebowcoaster of Temotions.

Last week, it was announced that Tim Tebow was set to speak at a giant mega-church in Dallas. That made Tim pretty happy.

Last week, it was announced that Tim Tebow was set to speak at a giant mega-church in Dallas. That made Tim pretty happy.

Image by Steve Marcus / Reuters

But then the Internet started talking about how the pastor of that church, Robert Jeffress, is homophobic.

Source: youtube.com

And compared Barack Obama to the antichrist.

Source: youtube.com

The Internet, as embodied by this young, attractive woman, got very angry.

The Internet, as embodied by this young, attractive woman, got very angry.

Source: (Shutterstock)


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Pittsburgh Penguins Unveil Experimental, Unsuccessful Six-Goalie Lineup

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Back to the drawing board.

A standard NHL net isn't that large, goalies have to cover a 4' by 6' rectangle of open area. If it were allowed by the rules, coaches may try to put two goalies on the ice instead of one. Last night against the Philadelphia Flyers, the Pittsburgh Penguins took matters into their own hands and played with five unofficial extra goalies in the crease during one insane spell of play.

It started with a shot from Sean Couturier, which Penguins goal Tomas Vokoun manages to stop by himself.

It started with a shot from Sean Couturier, which Penguins goal Tomas Vokoun manages to stop by himself.

Realizing danger was imminent, the Penguins then switch to the never-before-seen six-goalie lineup.

Realizing danger was imminent, the Penguins then switch to the never-before-seen six-goalie lineup.

That's six Penguins in the crease.

That's six Penguins in the crease.


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Nike Suspends Its Endorsement Of Oscar Pistorius

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Nike distances itself from an athlete facing premeditated murder charges in Africa.

Image by David Moir / Reuters

In the wake of the murder of Reeva Steenkamp, Nike has suspended its endorsement contract with Olympian Oscar Pistorius, who is facing charges of premeditated murder in South Africa. Pistorius' bail hearing in South African court will extend to a third day today, and a chief magistrate will decide tomorrow whether or not to keep Pistorius in jail until his trial begins, according to the AP.

In the meantime, Nike distanced itself from the runner, but left the door open to resume its endorsement pending the result of the trial.

Nike posted a brief statement online last night:

Nike has suspended its contract with Oscar Pistorius. We believe Oscar Pistorius should be afforded due process and we will continue to monitor the situation closely.


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Jeremy Lin Got Fined, Lost A Ton Of Fast Food Last Night

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How many McChickens and Jack in the Box tacos can you buy with $2,000? Jeremy Lin wants you to know.

During Wednesday night's win over the Oklahoma City Thunder, Jeremy Lin received the first technical of his carer. Lin took full stock of the gravity of this charge against him, and its resulting fine.

During Wednesday night's win over the Oklahoma City Thunder, Jeremy Lin received the first technical of his carer. Lin took full stock of the gravity of this charge against him, and its resulting fine.

Here is what 2,000 McChickens looks like.

Here is what 2,000 McChickens looks like.

Here is what 4,000 Jack in the Box tacos look like.

Here is what 4,000 Jack in the Box tacos look like.


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The Rockets Pulled Off An Incredible Trade But It Made Jeremy Lin Sad

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Houston got trade-deadline madness off to a lovely start.

Image by Danny Johnston / AP

Wednesday night, the Houston Rockets and the Sacramento Kings kicked off the 2013 trade-deadline shenanigans by making a hilarious, lopsided deal. This is exactly what you'd expect from the Kings, who like nothing better than to spin assets away in exchange for nothing, except maybe letting their most promising young players dwindle into ash, but ANYWAY: the Kings sent 2012 fifth-overall pick Thomas Robinson away in exchange for Patrick Patterson, Toney Douglas, and Cole Aldrich. (The Kings also included Tyler Honeycutt and Francisco Garcia, but nobody cares about that other than Tyler Honeycutt and Francisco Garcia, and they already know they got traded.)

Let's break this down:

THE ROCKETS GET: In Thomas Robinson, a promising physical beast who has struggled so far during his rookie year but also existed in the midst of a confused, chaotic front-court led by the human Extinction-Level Event that is DeMarcus Cousins.

THE KINGS GET: Toney Douglas, who is shooting 39.5% from the field and will forever be remembered as one of the most hilarious Knicks starting point guards of all time; Patrick Patterson, a decent front-court scorer and mediocre rebounder who doesn't project as much better than the first big off the bench on a good team; and Cole Aldrich, who, whenever I envision him in my mind's eye, appears as a seven-foot-tall rooster. (I don't know why. I'm not sure what it means.)

So yeah, the Rockets won this trade. But that doesn't mean the first major player movement that Jeremy Lin's ever been party to but not the subject of didn't make him feel VERY SAD.

Image by Lucy Nicholson / Reuters

Aww! Jeremy! That is so sweet. But then, right after the trade:


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The Wizards Just Traded For A Player With A Torn ACL

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That is how much they value Jordan Crawford: they gave him away basically for free.

This is Jordan Crawford. He's a career 40% shooter and the Wizards' second-leading scorer this year.

This is Jordan Crawford. He's a career 40% shooter and the Wizards' second-leading scorer this year.

Image by Jacquelyn Martin / AP

This is Leandro Barbosa. He tore his ACL earlier this month.

This is Leandro Barbosa. He tore his ACL earlier this month.

Image by Chuck Burton / AP


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There Was A Warzone Outside Metta World Peace's Condo, But He Saved The Day In Cookie Monster Pajamas

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The weirdest story you'll ever hear about Metta World Peace…. today.

Metta World Peace is an eccentric fellow, but even he could not have imagined the insanity that took place outside his residence early Tuesday morning. Without informing World Peace, actors from the Artest Media Group (which belongs to World Peace) decided to rehearse a scene for an upcoming movie in the wee hours of the morning outside World Peace's building. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but the scene in question featured fake guns, which witnesses mistook for, you know, actual guns. Someone called the police, and around that time, Metta World Peace woke up. This is his story, as gathered by the Los Angeles Times:

Image by Jared Wickerham / Getty Images

Image by Carlos Osorio / AP

According to the LA Times, World Peace then put on Cookie Monster pajamas and went outside to survey the scene.


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Bette Midler's Got An Oscar Pistorius Joke For You

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The one person you've been waiting to hear from in this case finally speaks out.

Like most people in the world, I've been watching the Oscar Pistorius case with a mix of horror and fascination. But throughout the whole ordeal there's been one person I've been waiting to hear from. I'm sure you have to. So without further ado, Bette Midler, everybody!

Source: @BetteMidler

AHHAHAHHAHA

AHHAHAHHAHA

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE LEGS!

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE LEGS!


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The NBA's Least Creative Heckler

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He's loud. He's mean. He may be goat

Last night, the Celtics played the Lakers and some fan really wanted to get into Kevin Garnett's head. But he didn't have much to say.

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So who was this guy? I have a theory.

Source: youtube.com

Video help by Andrew Gautier.

A Video That Will Make You Never Want To Ski Or Snowboard Again

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Everyone's scared of the chairlift the first time they get on it. This is why.

Last week, some teens went skiing in Santa Fe. They were riding the ski lift when one of them tried to throw a snowball at the chair in front of him where his friends were sitting. The momentum of the toss carried him forward and this happened...

(Note before viewing: Despite suffering injuries in the fall, the teen is now reportedly "home and is fine.)"

Warning the following video is scary. Here are some cats if you don't think you can handle it.

Source: youtube.com


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The Importance Of Paying Bobby Bonilla Until 2035

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It was the dumbest financial move in baseball history. And it's in good company.

Via: baseballhotcorner.com

The 2000s had dawned and Y2K's colossal failure to take down the world's infrastructure meant that civilization was still intact. So the New York Mets made their move. The team opened for business as usual on Monday morning, Jan. 3, and proceeded to make the first Major League Baseball transaction of the new decade. They released outfielder Bobby Bonilla, who had labored throughout a second go-around with his hometown team, and sent him off with a parting gift. Bonilla had one year remaining on his contract; the Mets owed him $5.9 million. Bonilla and his agent, sensing perhaps that the Mets were open to a more creative buyout, offered up several proposals, one being a theretofore unprecedented deal that deferred that remaining payment for 11 years — albeit with interest. The Mets agreed to, starting in 2011, pay Bonilla 25 annual installments of $1,193,248.20, a hefty markup ($23.9 million) over the original sum. Team ownership needed the roster spot to make other moves and were confident in their long-term financial prospects thanks to a can't-miss investment genius named Bernie Madoff.

That, of course, didn't work out, and by the time came for the checks to start getting sent two summers back, the team's financials were in ruin. Bobby Bonilla has been retired for 12 years, but he now re-emerges every spring as a representation of everything that was myopic about the Mets back then and is laughable about them now.

Back then, though, the move was celebrated, and there's now more than $100 million of this so-called "dead money" in MLB, Bonilla's slice comprising just a sliver. Bonilla-related laffs — he's good for a lot of tweets and splashy headlines, and his random clubhouse visit on Photo Day only amplified the matter — tend to obscure the details of the matter, a bizarre version of a not uncommon phenomenon, under a lot of LOLMets. (That said, it is certainly one of the great LOLMets instances, even in a very crowded field.)

Via: classickicksnyc

It's clear that the Mets, if nothing else, were guilty of the most inept kind of negotiating. They held very little leverage, feeling that the team was on the precipice of greatness and that they needed Bonilla's roster spot for the proverbial guy who'd push them over the top — which meant that not only did they need to can him, but that they needed to come up with enough money to pay a good player to take his place. Bonilla meanwhile was promising to raise all sorts of hell if the team didn't placate him.

Here's Jon Heyman, then with The Sporting News, talking about the deal (Jan. 17, 2000):

The Mets released him on January 3, the first workday of the new millennium and a few weeks after he guaranteed ''fireworks in the millennium'' if he didn't play regularly in 2000. Bonilla has been unable to back up his inappropriately loud talk with his play, but a contract that guaranteed him $ 5.9 million for 2000 served as a major threat to the Mets, who tired of his act. Bonilla was holding all the cards, so to speak.

The best the Mets could do was get him to defer his pay — with interest — for 11 years. Under terms of the agreement, Bonilla will be paid nearly $ 1.2 million every year from 2011 to 2035. The total will come to approximately $29.8 million, or about $ 835,000 more than the club gave Bonilla in December 1991 when they made him the game's richest player.

The Mets were all too happy to be rid of Bonilla at whatever conceivable cost. The fans were happy, and Bobby Bonilla was really happy. The Mets were only swindled in the sense that the reason that they were so comfortable about their long-term prospects is that they were investing in a Ponzi scheme. But at the time, the idea that this was a worthwhile move — to free up the short-term cash and flexibility that could help win a World Series — was prevalent.

In fact, by freeing up that nearly $6 million, the Mets were able to make moves like trading for Mike Hampton, then a prime No. 2 pitcher who, as any Cardinals fan might tell you, almost singlehandedly won the 2000 National League Championship Series. That likely never happens if Bonilla is still in Queens. At least the Mets got a pennant for their troubles, which is more than can be said for Baltimore, which is paying Bonilla $500,000 a year through 2015 in a similar buyout negotiated years before the Mets did theirs. (In that instance, however, the big winner is Bonilla's ex-wife, who gets half of each Oriole check.) Alas, that the team unabashedly blared "Who Let The Dogs Out?" after the final out of the NLCS likely sealed whatever karmic fate awaited them against the eventual-champion Yankees.


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Oscar Pistorius Granted Bail

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“The accused has made a case to be released on bail,” Magistrate Desmond Nair said during a bail hearing in South Africa.

Photographers take photos of Oscar Pistorius as he stands in the dock during his bail hearing at the magistrates court in Pretoria, South Africa.

Image by Themba Hadebe / AP

The supporters in the courtroom shouted "Yes!" when Chief Magistrate Desmond Nair ruled today that Oscar Pistorius be freed on 1 million rand bail ($114,000), the AP reports. Pistorius was ordered by the judge to turn in his guns and passports, and not to return to his home where the killing took place. His next court appearance is set for June 4.

Via: bigstory.ap.org


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A Cheerleader Hit The Greatest Basketball Trick Shot You'll Ever See

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It's so good, she must be a witch of some kind.

This is Ashlee Arnau. She's a cheerleader at William Carey University in Mississippi. At a recent game she hit the greatest trick shot you'll ever see.

This is Ashlee Arnau. She's a cheerleader at William Carey University in Mississippi. At a recent game she hit the greatest trick shot you'll ever see.

No. Seriously.

No. Seriously.

Watch it again.

Watch it again.

One more time, in case your brain just exploded.

One more time, in case your brain just exploded.


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How To Handle A Twitter Sex Scandal: NBA Weirdo Edition

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Knicks swingman and crazy person J.R. Smith propositioned a high school girl for sex on Twitter. How did he handle that news coming out? Like J.R. Smith.

Last night, thanks to those evil geniuses/our friends at Deadspin, we learned about a slightly bizarre Twitter direct message exchange that occurred between a senior in high school and Knicks swingman J.R. Smith in Philadelphia back in January.

Even though the exchange may seem tawdry, the Pennsylvania age of consent means that J.R. was not doing anything illegal, just kinda gross. And there's no indication he KNEW how old she was.

So if you're a single NBA player, how do you respond? Do you claim you were hacked? Do you issue an apology?


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The Nastiest Lines From One Little Kid's Rap Tribute To NBA Folk Hero Steve Novak

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And people say hip-hop is dead.

A juvenile Knicks fan made a rap tribute to 3-point assassin Steve Novak. They're bumping this hard in the streets*.

*The street that this kid lives on. Probably no other streets.

Here are the deepest cuts.

Here are the deepest cuts.

Image by Elsa / Getty Images

Okay, that doesn't really make sense, but LEAVE HIM ALONE HE'S A LITTLE KID.

Image by Mark Serota / Getty Images


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Iraq War Veteran Got The Cubs Logo Instead Of An Iris On His Prosthetic Eye

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Wow. This is a crazy look.

According to the Smithsonian, an Iraq vet who lost his eye in combat chose to forego getting an iris on his prosthetic eye and instead chose to rock a Cubs logo.

According to the Smithsonian, an Iraq vet who lost his eye in combat chose to forego getting an iris on his prosthetic eye and instead chose to rock a Cubs logo.

Here's a picture of the prosthesis.

Here's a picture of the prosthesis.

Source: @smithsonian

Looks pretty crazy in those little bags, but I was wondering what it would look like in someone's eye, so I busted out the Photoshop.

Looks pretty crazy in those little bags, but I was wondering what it would look like in someone's eye, so I busted out the Photoshop.

Source: (Original photo via Shutterstock)

HOLY CRAP, THAT'S TERRIFYING.


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Hear The Courtroom Reaction To The Oscar Pistorius Bail Ruling

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A Pistorius ally broke the tension in the Pretoria, SA courtroom with an exuberant “Yes!” as the judge freed Oscar Pistorius on bail.

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Via: youtube.com

Chief Magistrate Desmond Nair's Statement on granting Oscar Pistorius's bail

Via: youtube.com

Pistorius's family following the bail ruling

Via: youtube.com

I Am Orlando Cruz

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When the pro boxer came out last fall, he became a hero to the LGBT community. As a trans man just beginning to box, I saw myself in him — and room for men like us in the most macho of sports.

Puerto Rican boxer Orlando Cruz looks on before his WBO NABO featherweight title fight against Jorge Pazos of Mexico at the Kissimmee Civic Center in Kissimmee, Florida October 19, 2012. Cruz won by decision. Cruz faced opponent Pazos just days after announcing that he was gay, the first active fighter in the macho sport to openly discuss his sexual orientation.

Image by Scott Miller / Reuters

Let's be clear: He is a former Olympian, a 19-2-1 pro boxer, and I'm a hobbyist just breaking in my gloves at an amateur gym in Pawtucket. But Orlando Cruz and I have a lot in common: Our birthdays are only four months apart, and we're both featherweights, at 5 feet 6 inches and 125 pounds — which makes us small men, men used to being underestimated. We're also men who didn't come into our own until our thirties. For Cruz, that's when he came out as gay, making him the first openly gay boxer; for me, that's when I began my gender transition.

I got into boxing because I'd been holed up in my house for a year and a half, trying to figure out who I was, mostly by working out. Testosterone gave me a jangly energy that I found could best be released by high-energy, endurance-oriented sessions: jumping rope, burpees, chin-ups, mountain climbers, push-ups, squats, planks — repeat. I wanted to build a strong core, and when I went to my first boxing gym, I discovered I'd been training to box all along.

I loved everything about my first day: the drop-dead drills, the smack of my fist on a bag, the way the old pros hassled each other. Few sports so mimic the basic reality of life — how, in the end, it's always you against yourself, no matter who's in the ring or hitting the bag beside you.

As a trans man, a different kind of man, it's a lesson I needed to remember.

Being a writer, I know boxing is the most literary of all sports. The simplicity of it in the sparkly, crazy MMA age has led many to declare it dead. But it can never really die: As everyone from Mailer to Hemingway to Joyce Carol Oates knows, pro boxing is one of the most poetic physical expressions of masculine vulnerability.

I've trained a little with a former pro in Narragansett who'd speak in these tender metaphors: "When the other guy comes at you, baby, lean in; you'll want to do anything else, but the only way you win is to move toward him. Relax and be here. If you back off, you lose."

In the ring it's just you, exposed — and exposure is a particular kind of bravery. It draws a certain kind of man. Men like Cruz. Men like me.


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The Lakers Are Definitely Not Going To Make The Playoffs, Maybe

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Kobe Bryant told an interviewer that the Lakers “will make the playoffs.” They probably won't, but this is what they'd have to do to get in.

Image by Allen J. Schaben/Los Angeles Times/MCT

Kobe Bryant thinks the things he thinks. And one of the things he thinks is that his Lakers — the same Lakers who are Celebrity-Rehab-reunion-episode dysfunctional and lose more often than they win — will make the playoffs in the West. He doesn't just think that it will happen; he knows that it will happen, based on an interview he gave to Sports Illustrated's Jack McCallum.

It's not a question of if we make the playoffs. We will. And when we get there, I have no fear of anyone — Oklahoma City, San Antonio, Denver ... whoever. I have zero nervousness about that. ... We will make the playoffs. And we will compete.

But will they? Will they REALLY? *plays dramatic music*


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