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Can A Spider Beat A Human In A Foot Race?

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Well, no.

What a spider vs human foot race might look like.

Getty / Michael Steele

Ever gone to kill a spider (or humanely cup it to bring outside or whatever hippies do), and it zips away at insanely fast speed? It seems definitely way faster than a human, right?

What if you took the fastest spider's top speed running away from a rolled up newspaper, and measured it against a human's running speed. I'm not talking Usain Bolt top speed, just like, you or me. Can a spider outrun us?

The fastest spider is the giant house spider [warning: link goes to a photo of a gross spider], which can reach speeds of 1.73 feet per second. That's only about 1 mile per hour. We humans can easily run faster than that.

Phew.

BUT WAIT.

I asked spider expert J. Chad Johnson, associate professor of behavioral ecology at Arizona State University West, if a spider could beat a human in a foot race. He raised an entirely new and frightening prospect:

Spider running speed is a bit silly. I see no way to construe it to match a human's running speed. Spiders disperse more readily by air (ballooning) than by land. As such, they are documented traveling hundreds of miles, and while I know of no data documenting the speed of ballooning, it is entirely dependent on air currents, which perhaps can be shown to be faster than us little ol' humans.

WELP, C-YA

Nope.

Nope.

Via giphy.com

Nope.

Nope.


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19 Reasons There's Never Been A Better Time To Be A Netherlands Fan

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All in for the Oranje.

The World Cup is here, and if you love the Netherlands — and you really should — there's never been a better time to be Dutch.

The World Cup is here, and if you love the Netherlands — and you really should — there's never been a better time to be Dutch.

ESPN

Now's the time to throw on something feathery.

Now's the time to throw on something feathery.

AP Photo/Martin Meissner

To stick that wheel of cheese around your neck.

To stick that wheel of cheese around your neck.

JUAN BARRETO/AFP / Getty Images

And to take a good, long look in the mirror.

And to take a good, long look in the mirror.

DAMIEN MEYER/AFP / Getty Images


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Watch How This Blind And Deaf Soccer Fan Was Finally Able To Experience The World Cup

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The moment when Brazil scores a goal at 10:07 is everything.

The day of the Croatia vs. Brazil World Cup game, Hélio Surdos woke up with the urge to watch the game with his friend Carlos. The only issue was Carlos is blind and deaf. But Hélio was determined to make sure his friend could experience the game too...

Hélio Surdos / Via youtube.com

So Hélio got to work right away to make his dream a reality. First, he used wood, material, and puffy paint to hand craft an exact replica of a World Cup soccer field.

So Hélio got to work right away to make his dream a reality. First, he used wood, material, and puffy paint to hand craft an exact replica of a World Cup soccer field.

Hélio Surdos / Via youtube.com

After completing the tactile field...

After completing the tactile field...

Hélio Surdos / Via youtube.com

Hélio invited Carlos, who showed up sporting a custom made Brazil jersey, over to watch the game.

Hélio invited Carlos, who showed up sporting a custom made Brazil jersey, over to watch the game.

Hélio Surdos / Via youtube.com


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Cameroon Just Set The Bar For World Cup Meltdowns

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A red card, a headbutt, and a 4-0 loss to Croatia. Not the Indomitable Lions’ best day.

Down 4-0 in the 90th minute — and already down a man, after Alex Song was ejected for a nasty elbow to the back of Croatia's Mario Mandzukic, things somehow got worse for Cameroon.

Down 4-0 in the 90th minute — and already down a man, after Alex Song was ejected for a nasty elbow to the back of Croatia's Mario Mandzukic, things somehow got worse for Cameroon.

ESPN

Benoit Assou-Ekotto headbutted Benjamin Moukandjo, and the two had to be separated by teammates.

Benoit Assou-Ekotto headbutted Benjamin Moukandjo, and the two had to be separated by teammates.

ESPN

With the loss, Cameroon was also eliminated from the World Cup. They'll play their final group stage game Monday against Brazil.

With the loss, Cameroon was also eliminated from the World Cup. They'll play their final group stage game Monday against Brazil.

ESPN

These Incredibly Sad Spanish Headlines Need No Translation

Chile Fans Finish Singing Their National Anthem After FIFA Cuts Song Short

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This video will give you chills.

According to FIFA regulations, a national anthem can only be played for a maximum of 90 seconds. To ensure that their entire song is played during the World Cup, some teams have changed the timing of their national anthem, while others, like Chile, simply let the song cut out.

David Ramos / Getty

But instead of stopping after 90 seconds, Chile fans have continued singing their anthem a cappella, sending an intimidating echo throughout the stadium.

Watch the video:

Colombia Beats Ivory Coast, Now In Great Position To Advance

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Colombia holds on to beat Ivory Coast, 2-1. Colombia can now advance to the knockout round with a Japan win or draw vs. Greece.


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17 Times Graham Zusi Made You Lose Your Breath

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This midfielder is going to leave you winded, and probably not from running.

That time we got to admire his perfect beard.

That time we got to admire his perfect beard.

PUUUUURFECT.

John Sleezer/Kansas City Star / MCT

That time he brought joy to your eyes just by looking at his smile.

That time he brought joy to your eyes just by looking at his smile.

Stephen M. Dowell/Orlando Sentinel / MCT

That time he showed off his perfect body on Twitter.

That time he showed off his perfect body on Twitter.

Twitter: @gzusi


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The Definitive Guide To World Cup Yells

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A survey of athletes at the top of their yelling game.

1. The Movie Climax Yell

1. The Movie Climax Yell

Cue John Williams.

AP Photo/Frank Augstein

2. The Hugh-Jackman-In-A-Broadway-Musical Yell

2. The Hugh-Jackman-In-A-Broadway-Musical Yell

Must include at least one jazz hand.

AP Photo/Hassan Ammar

3. The Wait-Is-This-Water? Yell

3. The Wait-Is-This-Water? Yell

Bonus points for side eye.

AP Photo/Matt Dunham

4. The Yell Just Before Punching a Teammate in the Face

4. The Yell Just Before Punching a Teammate in the Face

Watch out, #7!

AP Photo/Sergei Grits


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CNN Host Tells Twitter's World Cup Haters To "Play With Themselves"

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John Berman takes cable outrage to another level.

"Why don't you just lock the doors, shut the windows, and play with yourselves?" —CNN's John Berman

Watch the entire rant here:

How To Dance As Awesomely As The Colombian Soccer Team

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Because nobody at the World Cup celebrates a goal quite like Colombia.

Step 1: Score an amazing goal.

Step 1: Score an amazing goal.

ESPN

Step 2: Make sure you and all your friends find the perfect spot.

Step 2: Make sure you and all your friends find the perfect spot.

ESPN

Step 3: Just.

Step 3: Just.

ESPN

Start.

Start.

ESPN


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Why Clayton Kershaw's No-Hitter Should Matter To All Baseball Fans

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Even a lifelong Giants fan knows that watching Kershaw is an honor.

Victor Decolongon / Getty Images

Maybe you've heard: Last night, 26-year-old Los Angeles Dodgers' pitcher Clayton Kershaw threw his first no-hitter. Twenty-eight batters, 15 strikeouts, and 107 pitches. It was glorious beyond words.

I am a diehard Giants fan, and I loved it.

In early May of last year, I watched the Giants play the Dodgers at home. It was actually my first time ever seeing Kershaw pitch in person, though I'd unabashedly admired him since his rookie season. I had justified my love by pointing to him wearing Will Clark's number, or by saying I just wished he would sign with the Giants instead. But the truth is that even in Dodger Blue, I love watching Kershaw pitch. As anyone who calls themselves a baseball fan should.

On the cold Friday night game I attended, Kershaw did not allow a hit through five innings. His no-hit bid was broken up with three hits and one run in the sixth, and he ended his outing with consecutive strikeouts in the seventh.

The Giants and Dodgers were still tied at 1-1 in the bottom of the ninth when Buster Posey, who Kershaw had intentionally walked in the fourth, stepped up to the plate. He hit a dinger into the bleachers, his first walk-off HR, and sent my Giants home celebrating a win. It's likely I'll never be in the stands for a better regular season game. It wouldn't have been all that difficult to accept a loss from such a dominating pitcher, but the Giants won anyway. In the next few weeks, the 2013 Giants would become a trainwreck; Clayton Kershaw would become Cy Young winner a few months later.

It was Kershaw's first start after the death of his father. This is what makes Kershaw special: his ability to pitch well despite whatever's going on in his head. It was this determination, the fire and the fury attached to every strike, that revealed itself again during his no-hitter this week.

Harry E. Walker / MCT

I spent myself whimpering and sweating through the eighth and the ninth innings while the rest of the East Coast slept. I dashed off a bleary email: "Clayton Kershaw is throwing a no-hitter, I'll be in late," or something like that. It was a rival team, but I knew I would weep no matter what happened.

Semantics of the "perfect game" aside, Kershaw himself really was perfect during his outing. It should have been a perfect game. Hanley Ramirez, whose hand had been hit by a ball earlier in the week, overthrew a routine out to first in the seventh, earning an error, and ending Kershaw's bid for a perfect game. Despite the frustration of Hanley, the MLB's leader in errors (141 since 2006), Kershaw maintained composure and did what he does best: throw strikes. He was just plain nasty in the eighth, letting his curveball show no mercy. It was when he struck out the first batter in the ninth that I knew he had it. His composure under pressure was pushed to an incredible test, and he just kept dealing.

The true beauty of baseball, to me, is that anything can happen and if you avert your eyes for one pitch, your team could give up the lead or go ahead or create history. In one pitch, Kershaw's no-hitter could have been taken from him. He knew that, and he ended the game with this 15th strikeout: Corey Dickerson swung.

This baseball season has been wacky and many team records look like typos, but the significance of Kershaw's no-hitter is not that it's anomalous but that it feels so right. This game should be met with a "Yes, good," by all baseball fans. Our alien overlords are looking down from above saying, "Everything's as it should be down there, boss — Kershaw's curve is still as nasty as ever."

Congratulations to Dodgers fans who got to watch their beloved No. 22 pitch the 22nd no-hitter in the history of the franchise. Hugs to baseball fans who are too bitter about how a single Dodgers win might affect their team to cherish the beauty that went down on that mound. And most of all, congrats to Clayton Kershaw, who gives me something to look forward to in the future of baseball.


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Uruguay Defeats England 2-1, Two Goals By Luis Suarez

21 Thoughts Every England Fan Has During The World Cup

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“Well, it’s going to be embarrassing if we lose now.”

Warning: video includes NSFW language, especially about Wayne Rooney.

Mexico Is Under Investigation For Anti-Gay Slurs At The World Cup

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FIFA says it is looking into claims that Mexican fans chanted homophobic slurs during their matches against Cameroon and Brazil.

FIFA is investigating claims that Mexican fans chanted anti-gay slurs during their country's matches against Cameroon and Brazil.

FIFA is investigating claims that Mexican fans chanted anti-gay slurs during their country's matches against Cameroon and Brazil.

AP Photo/Ricardo Mazalan

During an opposing team's goal kick by the goalkeeper, Mexican supporters are heard chanting "puto," which is slang for "fag," "man-whore," or "coward," Outsports.com reported.

During an opposing team's goal kick by the goalkeeper, Mexican supporters are heard chanting " puto ," which is slang for "fag," "man-whore," or "coward," Outsports.com reported .

While the word has different interpretations, in this case it is generally used to mock the opponent's manhood. The chant is often heard at Mexican soccer matches, according to reports.

AP Photo/Petr David Josek

FIFA said it "takes a firm, zero-tolerance stance against any form of discrimination and racism," and has opened disciplinary proceedings against Mexico for the improper conduct of its spectators.

FIFA said it "takes a firm, zero-tolerance stance against any form of discrimination and racism," and has opened disciplinary proceedings against Mexico for the improper conduct of its spectators.

FARE, a group monitoring fan behavior at the World Cup, also reported complaints of Croatian and Russian fans who unfurled neo-Nazi banners during matches.

A FIFA spokeswoman told the Associated Press that Mexico is the only country against which an inquiry has been opened.

YURI CORTEZ/AFP / Getty Images

"It seems that some fans of some countries will take their hatred halfway around the world," Piara Powar, a member of FIFA's anti-racism task force told The Telegraph. "The levels of homophobic abuse at some matches is also totally unacceptable," he said.

"It seems that some fans of some countries will take their hatred halfway around the world," Piara Powar, a member of FIFA's anti-racism task force told The Telegraph . "The levels of homophobic abuse at some matches is also totally unacceptable," he said.

AP Photo/Francois Xavier Marit, pool


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Doctors Let This Uruguayan Defender Play After Taking A Nasty Knee To The Head

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Álvaro Pereira appeared to suffer a concussion after taking the blow, but stayed in the game.

In the 62nd minute of his team's match against England, Uruguayan defender Álvaro Pereira took an accidental knee to the head from Raheem Sterling.

vine.co / Via ESPN

Richard Heathcote / Getty Images

AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth

Pereira remained motionless on the ground for about a minute after the collision.

Pereira remained motionless on the ground for about a minute after the collision.

ESPN


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Everything You Need To Know About The England Vs. Uruguay Match

Which World Cup Player Should You Hook Up With?

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The tournament is the perfect time to score ;)

Rihanna Just Pointed Out What's Wrong With The England Football Team

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Why always her?

England took on Uruguay in a crucial Group D clash at the World Cup on Thursday evening.

England took on Uruguay in a crucial Group D clash at the World Cup on Thursday evening.

Richard Heathcote / Getty

Millions of people in England watched the match in Sao Paulo hoping Roy Hodgson's side could bounce back from their opening defeat to Italy.

instagram.com

The game also attracted plenty of celebrity viewers, including a certain Rihanna. And her commentary on Twitter proved to be the highlight of a rather depressing game.

The game also attracted plenty of celebrity viewers, including a certain Rihanna. And her commentary on Twitter proved to be the highlight of a rather depressing game .

Stephen Dunn / Getty


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Mario Balotelli Demands A Kiss From The Queen If Italy Beat Costa Rica

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We can still qualify guys, the dream is still alive (for now).

England are on the verge of being eliminated from the World Cup after their 2-1 defeat to Uruguay.

England are on the verge of being eliminated from the World Cup after their 2-1 defeat to Uruguay.

Julian Finney / Getty

After losing to Italy by the same scoreline last week, England's fate is out of their hands.

After losing to Italy by the same scoreline last week, England's fate is out of their hands.

Warren Little / Getty

Roy Hodgson's side need Italy to win their remaining two games, something Italian striker Mario Balotelli is well aware of...

Roy Hodgson's side need Italy to win their remaining two games, something Italian striker Mario Balotelli is well aware of...

Claudio Villa / Getty


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