In the eyes of AOL FanHouse's David Whitley, Colin Kaepernick's tattoos disqualify him from leading a football team.
Image by Bill Feig / AP
The fact that new 49ers starting quarterback Colin Kaepernick has tattoos is about as noteworthy as the fact that he has arms. But according to AOL FanHouse's David Whitley, not only does Kaepernick's ink make him unqualified to be the leader of a professional football team — it also makes him look like a prisoner.
San Francisco’s Colin Kaepernick is going to be a big-time NFL quarterback. That must make the guys in San Quentin happy.
Approximately 98.7 percent of the inmates at California’s state prison have tattoos. I don’t know that as fact, but I’ve watched enough “Lockup” to know it’s close to accurate.
I’m also pretty sure less than 1.3 percent of NFL quarterbacks have tattoos. There’s a reason for that.
This is how Whitley's piece starts. There is no such thing as satire anymore. David Whitley has killed it. What's the reason for why no NFL quarterbacks have tattoos, exactly? Oh, that's right — because everyone with tattoos is IN SAN QUENTIN ON CHARGES OF GENERAL THUGGERY.