This is how your day could have went if you took Jürgen Klinsmann’s advice.
Yesterday, Americans called in sick and took a vacation day to watch soccer. Think about that, bathe in that fact, let it soak. SOCCER! They flooded Grant Park in Chicago, swarmed Dupont Circle in Washington D.C. and packed bars, pubs, and restaurants in cities across the country to watch America play soccer. SOCCER!!! The sport we "don't care" about; the sport so many have ridiculed and thumbed our noses at for decades. We woke up and decided, "ohhhh, I get it now." People clad in red, white and blue are suddenly everywhere — on a non-American holidays — in support of our national soccer team. MOTHERFUCKIN' SOCCER!!!! The camaraderie has spread like a disease. So when Jürgen Klinsmann wrote America an absent note, I decided to use it.
*I forged my boss' signature don't tell him.
6:45 am: Wake up in a cold sweat to the sound of what could only be a baby dinosaur's scream.
6:49 am: Realize that sound was my alarm blaring for the past four minutes — proceed to hate life.
6:53 am: Fight a losing battle trying to wrangle free from my burrito wrapped blanket.
7:00 am: Remembers today is the fourth most important day in United States history (behind Brett Favre's birthday, July 4th 1776, and the day KFC invented the Double Down).
7:03 am: Finally get out of bed.
7:10 am: Shower, dust off my imaginary Pulitzer, watch Miguel Herrera YouTube videos for inspiration, download Rocky IV soundtrack to Spotify.
7:30 am: Hop on the Freedom train.