It's good to retire at 27 as the most famous person in the history of your field.
Step One: Go To Vegas
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Phelps had his retirement bash at Vegas's Encore Beach Club. And despite the existence of these photos negating the best part of Las Vegas (the whole "what happens here, stays here" thing), the fact is for a gaudy, crazed party it's hard to better than Sin City. Just ask LeBron.
Step Two: Be 27
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You know what's awesome? Retiring as the most successful person in the history of your field and s till being three years younger than Barack Obama was when he graduated from Harvard. You know what's less awesome? retiring when you're in your seventies and your idea of a wild night is the early bird special at Perkins.
Step Three: Have A Kick Ass Cake
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That cake has replicas of all 22 of the swimmer's medals, an American flag, and a pair of goggles. No word on whether it was delicious, but when you're Michael Fucking Phelps I have a feeling they make sure your cake is tasty.
Step Four: Bring Your Friends
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Ain't no party like a Nathan Adrian party, because a Nathan Adrian party has messy hair. Or something. Also, what's up, Missy Franklin? Aren't you 17?