We are a weird bunch.
The Lucky Seat
If you were watching an episode of Mad Men with a group of friends and, after the first half of the show was disappointing, one of them insisted that the two of you switch seats, his voice filling with urgency each time he repeated the proposal, you would be understandably confused. You would certainly not believe his assertion that the show would improve after the seat switch. And yet the lucky seat is one of the most important tools in a sports fan's arsenal.
Source: myluckytown.files.wordpress.com
The Bad Luck Guy
The Bad Luck Guy serves two purposes for sports fans. One, it allows them to punish that one friend who doesn't always watch the game with them (a spotty attendance record is vital to identifying a BLG). But more importantly, it allows fans to blame someone who can actually hear them. Having a BLG is cathartic for a group of friends watching a game, but it is also one of the leading causes of adult bullying (probably).
The Unclean Shirt
The sworn enemy of non-sports fan significant others everywhere, The Unclean Shirt, and its cousin The Unclean Hat or in terrible cases The Unclean Underwear, is a gambit employed by only the most desperate. It takes the saddest side effect of sports-induced depression (living in one's own filth) and tries to recontextualize it into a positive. In order from most acceptable to least:
•The Unclean Shirt: Relatively acceptable provided that one also wears an undershirt and that The Unclean Shirt is only worn for the game itself.
Verdict: Can be used for most games.
•The Unclean Hat: Head sweat is among the grossest kinds of sweat, and a hat that has soaked up so much of it that it's begun to change colors is going to be pretty gross.
Verdict: Should be reserved for big games.
•The Unclean Underwear: The least acceptable, but also the least detectable. If head sweat is among the grossest kinds of sweat, crotch sweat is [Keith Jackson voice] the grandaddy of 'em all. When you employ The Unclean Underwear, you are taking the chance that even fellow fans will find you genuinely disgusting.
Verdict: Acceptable for rivalry games and conference/league championships ONLY.
The Importance Of Green Bay
105,809 people live in Green Bay. It's 1/15th the size of Virginia Beach, VA. And yet — are you, personally, absolutely sure that Virginia Beach is a real place? No, right? But you know Green Bay is as important an American city as Chicago, Minneapolis, or Detroit.
Image by Marcio Jose Sanchez / AP