The dos and don'ts of doing it proper.
Anywhere Eli Manning goes technically counts as a party.
Image by Handout / Reuters
Along with New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day, the Super Bowl is part of a string of disappointing winter holidays — hyped-up and ostensibly festive events during which you go to elaborate logistical lengths to get somewhere crowded and terrible. Typically, it's not until St. Patrick's Day arrives with the flower blossoms and giant beers of spring that we return to the holidays that are actually fun.
It does not have to be this way. New Year's is already past us, and for Valentine's Day you're on your own because I don't know how to talk to girls, but your Super Bowl can be redeemed if you follow the rules below.
DO have two TVs.
One for the die-hards, one for chattin'.
DON'T countenance any smirking at people who get really into the game.
We don't come to your house to laugh at you while you're watching the Kardashian Channel, so don't snicker at us just because we're really excited about how the one guy caught the ball instead of the other guy. Leave the cultural snark where it belongs — in divisive, vicious, anonymous comments on the Internet. We already know we're acting a little ridiculous. Think of the way you get worked up over Orange County Hill Gossip Plastic Surgery Road Rules Housewives Beach, even though you know it doesn't really matter. Just go with the flow.
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