The type you passed out in elementary school to everyone. Bravo, Andray Blatche.

If I asked you which player on the Brooklyn Nets you thought was most likely to distribute 'Disney Fairies' Valentines to his fellow teammates, complete with little inspirational messages, you would probably guess goofy backup center Andray Blatche, and you would be correct.

We hope "Dray Bear" also had cards for Deron Williams and the rest of the boys, because the first rule of elementary school valentines is that IF YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY THEN NOBODY GETS ONE.

To Joe Johnson (on the left) and Gerald Wallace (on the right):

Via: @AlyonkaLarionov

H/T Devin Kharpertian at The Brooklyn Game

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Jeremy Lin and Manti Te'o went mainstream, in a very big way, in very different circumstances. And, based on how Lin's story turned out, Te'o should feel optimistic.

This shot at the very least went in metaphorically.

Exactly a year after undrafted Harvard point guard Jeremy Lin dropped 25 points and 7 assists on the New Jersey Nets to kick off 45 days of basketball craziness, the sports story that's come closest to the phenomenon of Linsanity is its depressing mirror image. For the last month, America has been fixated on the tale of a devout Asian-American from a famed institution of higher learning. Only instead of getting a lucky break and becoming a superstar while sleeping on his friend's couch, Manti Te'o made headlines for being the dopey, grandstanding victim of bizarre fake-girlfriend internet long-con.

Jeremy Lin and Manti Te'o's stories both transcended the boundaries of the sports pages. Both were crazy tales with a uniquely modern American twist — Lin became an emblem of an immigrant group gone mainstream; Te'o became an emblem of online culture's strange dark side. But today Lin is back to just being a basketball player, a relatively anonymous point guard for a mediocre team. If you want to talk Lin these days, you're talking shooting percentage and pick and rolls — basketball stuff, not Cultural Phenomena. And that's good news for Manti Te'o, who would probably give his firstborn for the biggest national Manti Te'o storyline to once again be his failure to take on Alabama blockers in the college football national title game.

O ye who have gone Linsane...

Image by Rob Carr / Getty Images

Lin and Te'o both became famous thanks to our collective jones to find a good hero, and the mockery directed at Te'o is in some way the other shoe dropping on the Lin story. A humble, religious, family-oriented kid taking over a sport on its most historically prominent stage? That's something we can all get behind, and, as many have observed, Te'o made us feel like suckers for doing so. That's why his downfall has been mirthfully enjoyed in a manner that's probably out of proportion to what he did, which was to be a bit of a dummy who melodramatically milked his time in the spotlight. But, of course, despite whatever cynicism his story might leave behind, there will be another Te'o, another larger-than-life character who takes over the national conversation, another Lance Armstrong, another LeBron James.

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ESPN: The Magazine had Lochte and other athletes re-create famed album covers.

Ryan Lochte/Nirvana

Source: Matthias Clamer/ESPN

Alex Morgan/Katy Perry

Source: Matthias Clamer/ESPN

Trent Richardson, LaMarr Woodley, and Marshawn Lynch/Run DMC

Source: Matthias Clamer/ESPN

Allyson Felix/Beyoncé

Source: Matthias Clamer/ESPN

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If Titus is this good as a toddler, imagine how awesome he'll play when he gets to college.

Alfonso Ribeiro's friendship with Jazz guard Mo Williams finally pays off.

Apparently, actor Alfonso Ribeiro (a.k.a. Carlton Banks from "The Fresh Prince") is close friends with Utah Jazz point guard Mo Williams, who hooked him up with locker room access before the game.

Here's Ribeiro hanging with Utah forward Paul Millsap.

Via: @PaulMillsap_24

Here's Mrs. Carlton hanging out by Williams' locker.

Via: @angiesue224

Even the Jazz P.R. director was a little starstruck!

Via: @jonrinehart

Being friends with a NBA star also means you get great seats for free.

Via: @angiesue224

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And it was glorious.

A Reddit user posted this photo of Baltimore Ravens star and quarterback-devourer Haloti Ngata posing with a Blu-Ray disc. Look at that woman in the background. Doesn't she look like Beyonce? Yes, yes she does.

Via ralstyr009

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It's older than 16 U.S. states. But this relic of our national pastime reminds us that some things never change.

In advance of the launch of TheNationalPastime.com, an online historical archive that goes live on Opening Day in several weeks, Slate got a sneak peek at one of the many cool offerings that'll be featured.

Below is a baseball recovered from a Civil War battlefield in Tennessee in 1862. The inscription reads, "Picked Up on the Battle Field at Shiloh by G.F. Hellum." According to Slate, Hellum was an African-American orderly with the Army who later enlisted with the 69th United States Colored Infantry based in Arkansas and Tennessee.

You can't tell by looking at the picture, but the twine is actually stitched around the ball hide in a figure-8 pattern. It's also worth remembering that baseball back then, though similar in many respects, with bases 90 feet apart and so forth, was still extremely primitive. Batters, for examples, had to draw nine balls for a walk, and hitters were called out when a fielder caught a ball on the bounce. (This particular rule was soon deemed too weird even for its own time and was abolished after the 1863 season.)

Via: slate.com

Watch every one of Ronaldo's 302 club goals and try not to drool.

Image by Denis Doyle / Getty Images

You know you're otherworldly soccer talent when a supercut of all the goals you've scored at the midpoint of your career takes an entire 18 minutes, but it's worth sticking around that long to simply bask in Cristiano Ronaldo's brilliance. He may not be the most spectacular player in the world, but he's without question the most spectacular scorer — whereas Lionel Messi breaks down a team with simple passing and finishing, Ronaldo does it all with panache. It's hard to pick out the best goal of his club career, simply because there's such a wealth of moments to choose from.

Here's every one of Cristiano Ronaldo's 302 club goals.

Ronaldo turned 28 today. Here's to another 302 goals before he calls it quits.

Via: @soccer_ly

But record honcho Jimmy Iovine thinks so.

Image by Christian Petersen / Getty Images

Interscope chairman Jimmy Iovine and person-who-is-Dr.-Dre Dr. Dre made headphones together. They're called Beats by Dre. People like them: they own 64 percent of the premium-headphones market. Among the people who like them is LeBron James, the Perfect Basketball Player (patent pending). LeBron James has, through both explicit endorsement and wearing them a lot, helped Beats earn that market share. And, according to this story from ESPN Magazine's music issue, Iovine thinks that LeBron got more than money and high-fidelity jams out of the relationship.

Iovine told ESPN's J. Freedom Du Lac (!) that Beats by Dre headphones can "really help these guys focus and get them to push even further because they have more emotion and feeling than other headphones."

Du Lac extends the idea: "James has been better, according to almost every statistical measure, in the four-plus seasons since he began wearing Beats, than he was in his first five in the league. He has won all three of his NBA Most Valuable Player awards in that period, and he has played in the NBA Finals twice, winning once." Du Lac consulted a sports psychologist, who said that, if the headphones do in fact help players get into a rhythm, then maybe they are beneficial.

This is a fun anecdote, and Du Lac's story is good. But! There might be another reason why LeBron's success coincided with when he started wearing Beats by Dre.

(Wait for it.)

(Wait for it.)

PLAYERS GET BETTER BY PRACTICING AND GAINING EXPERIENCE.

It's just a theory, though, like evolution and gravity.

Not athletically freakish or extroverted enough to make himself a household name, the Ravens wide receiver — who once came back from a BROKEN FACE in three weeks — is simply the kind of guy who makes football worth watching. Now he's a Super Bowl champion.

Image by Al Bello / Getty Images

Football fans have become accustomed to a few certain types of elite wide receiver over the past 20 years. The Physical Freak — Randy Moss, Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald, and so forth — is too big to be that fast and too strong to be that agile. There are occasional Special Teams Slashers who pull double-duty (Percy Harvin, Devin Hester); sub-6-footers like DeSean Jackson and Steve Smith, who subside on equal parts speed and having a giant chip on their shoulder; and of course, the Prima Donnas, Terrell Owens and Chad "Ochocinco."

Anquan Boldin of the Baltimore Ravens is none of these things. He is of average height (6-foot-1). His age, relative to other superstar wideouts, is on the older side (32). He has been a starter in the NFL throughout his 10-year career, but he has never been considered the Main Guy, just a solid No. 2. He has scored more than 10 touchdowns just once in a season. After a productive seven years in Arizona, he was traded to the Baltimore in 2010 for a couple of midlevel draft picks. He doesn't do a lot of outrageous media appearances.

But Sunday night, Boldin had earned a right that none of the aforementioned pass-catchers have earned heretofore: to hold a Super Bowl trophy in victory. Amid a Ravens team filled with personalities ranging from the offensively derpy to the gratingly melodramatic, it was hard not to feel good for Boldin. He's not the kind of star we know much about — who knows what he's like behind closed doors — but he's the kind of guy whose play alone makes him easy to root for. A hard worker and dutiful teammate, but a bad, bad man all the same.

It's been a looooooong and collision-filled road for Boldin. Let's take a look back.

Source: Stephen M. Dowell  /  via: orlandosentinel.com

Like almost everyone who eventually succeeds in the NFL, Boldin was an astounding football player in high school. Back then, he was a quarterback and was bestowed with Florida's Mr. Football honor in 1998. When he made his way to Florida State, the team converted him to wide receiver so that he'd get playing time. In 23 games for the Seminoles, Boldin scored 21 TDs, parlaying his newfound positional fortitude into job with the Arizona Cardinals, who drafted him in the second round.

Boldin shined as a rookie, accumulating 1,377 receiving yards and nine TDs, making the Pro Bowl. Alas, the team finished 4-12 and scored the third pick in the draft, allowing them to select a larger, more gifted receiver in Larry Fitzgerald. Together, the two instantly became the NFL's most lethal 1-2 receiving duo, though it was clear who was second-in-command. Fitzgerald, with his unmistakeable dreads falling beneath his helmet, was taller, younger, and more muscular.

Boldin's transition — from prep superstar to Florida State B.M.O.C. to rookie phenom to sidekick — did not dilute his balls-out, 110% approach to the game. He didn't make the impossible look effortless, but he was a pro, tough and relentless. And in 2008, a few months before the Cardinals made an improbable (and nearly successful) appearance at Super Bowl XLIII, Boldin was nearly concussed out of football. On the road and down 21 points to the New York Jets, Kurt Warner tried to hit Boldin in stride on a fairly typical slant pattern to center field, just inside the goal line. The game was no longer in question, but Boldin didn't hesitate as he went up for the catch. Eyes on the ball, he didn't see the two Jets defenders coming at his head.

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Kobe Bryant is a wizard. No 34-year-old should be able to do this.

Kobe Bryant is 34 years old. Basketball fans have not only gotten used to Kobe's changing (aging) game, but they've embraced it. It's rare to see an article about the NBA's greatest asshole without a mention of his amazing mid-range game or his low post proficiency. The way he's discussed now, you'd almost forget what an athletic freak he was for most of his career. And then last night in Brooklyn, he went and did this to Gerald Wallace and Kardashian-reject Kris Humphries.

I think I speak for everyone who watches basketball when I say:

Watch the video here:

Source: youtube.com

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Guy Ritchie makes the soccer star chase his clothes in some H&M undies, and yes, it's as enjoyable as you'd think.

When a car pulls away with his robe and he's in his undies.

And then when he decides to go running after the car, losing his shirt in the intensity of it all.

When he jumps over a wall like a hunk in his undies and slippers.

When he runs by these dogs.

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Mike Daubert drains one from long range for the victory.

On senior night in Newtown, Connecticut, Mike Daubert hit a game-winning 3-pointer at the buzzer to defeat New Milford. The shot not only made SportsCenter — it was named the top play of the night.

This comment sums it up perfectly:

Watch out Barry Melrose, Mike Smith is gunning for that No. 1 spot.

On the left is Phoenix Coyotes goalie Mike Smith. He's got the most badass mullet in the NHL.

Via: @phoenixcoyotes

Sometimes it peeks out of his helmet to distract opposing players.

Image by Tony Gutierrez / AP

He applied to play without a helmet to let the mullet breathe*, but the NHL denied him the opportunity.

*This is not true.

Image by Matt York / AP

It's not the mullet the NHL deserves, but it's the one the NHL needs right now.

Image by Photo by Christian Petersen / Getty Images

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“Just like Jackie, the breakthrough gay athlete will be a courageous individual going it alone in uncharted territory. But, also like Jackie, he will have backup — and hopefully more of it,” the Baltimore Raven writes. And, a Viking already is backing him up.

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo in Baltimore, Sunday, Dec. 2, 2012.

Image by Nick Wass / AP

WASHINGTON — Baltimore Ravens' linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo says now is the "moment just before history is made ... as we wait for the arrival of the first openly gay man in U.S. major professional team sports" in an op-ed published Wednesday in USA Today, invoking the memory of "Jackie Robinson crossing the Major League Baseball color barrier."

"This is our time and our cause. ... It's a gesture; it's a pledge; it's solidarity at its most basic. Our Jackie is coming. We need to pave the way," he writes of the first out gay major leaguer.

Ayanbadejo, who has been an outspoken advocate for marriage equality in Maryland and around the country, has stepped up his activism following Sunday's Super Bowl victory, appearing on CNN to talk about LGBT issues — yes, anti-transgender discrimination as well as anti-gay discrimination — and has now penned an op-ed on the moral cause for equality.

Referring to the trailblazing Jackie Robinson, Ayanbadejo writes, "Just like Jackie, the breakthrough gay athlete will be a courageous individual going it alone in uncharted territory. But, also like Jackie, he will have backup -- and hopefully more of it."

Indirectly responding to comments opposing an out athlete made by the San Francisco 49ers' Chris Culliver and others making less-than-supportive comments, Ayanbadejo writes:

Together athletes in all four of our country's major sports leagues -- the NFL, MLB, NHL and NBA -- can be more than good men. Since human rights are far more important than sports, we need to be Athlete Allies who are willing to leverage our social capital and all that goes with it — like fans, endorsement deals and more — to stand up for a larger purpose. ...

There are many reasons why no gay athlete has come out in the NFL, NBA, NHL or MLB, most of which are likely to go away with support and acceptance from the straight community. As leaders and even role models for millions of young people across the globe, professional athletes have the ability to fundamentally eliminate prejudice from our sport and live up to the incredible privilege we enjoy. ...

The NFL, MLB, NHL and NBA should and can be leaders against discrimination. Whether you're a commissioner, an athlete, a coach or a fan, your voice will let every kid out there know that there is a place for him or her in sports. We all can be ourselves and still compete with dignity and at the highest level.

Chris Kluwe, punter for the Minnesota Vikings, also has been outspoken about marriage equality issues — cutting an ad to oppose the November 2012 proposed amendment to ban same-sex couples from marrying in Minnesota — and praised Ayanbadejo.

"I stand with Brendon and every other person, athlete and non-athlete alike, who says that discrimination in any form is not the legacy we will hand down to our children. I am proud to be an Athlete Ally, and I hope others will join us in treating all people with compassion, dignity, and respect. A gay player in sports is not defined by their sexuality, but by how they play, and I support any player who wishes to be him or herself with everything I have. Treat others the way you want to be treated," Kluwe said in a statement provided to BuzzFeed.

Brian Ellner, who is on the board of Athlete Ally and had garnered support from athletes for New York's 2011 marriage equality bill effort, added, "Brendon's been amazing. An Athlete Ally extraordinaire, he carried LGBT rights all the way to New Orleans and the Super Bowl. Back in Maryland, he'd already helped us win marriage equality. Now he calls for our Jackie Robinson and sends a message to gay athletes around the globe that it's time to come out and that there are professional athletes ready to embrace them."

In a statement, Athlete Ally founder Hudson Taylor said, "The Ravens won the Super Bowl relying on unbreakable unity and trust. It's those elements of a team that are completely compromised when athletes are forced into the closet. We applaud our Super Bowl Champion and Athlete Ally Brendon Ayanbadejo for making his voice heard."

You want to be a cool NFL fan, don't you? All the cool kids are following these stories.

How will Robert Griffin III recover from his knee surgery?

Football players use their knees, kind of like how pianists use their hands and bankers use their complete lack of scruples. Robert Griffin III, rookie of the year, savior of our nation's capital, all-around Winning Dude, does not currently have two working knees, and the surgical efforts to repair the iffy one will be arguably the most-watched narrative of the off-season, and certainly the most tweeted-about orthopedic procedure of the year, unless Kim Kardashian's butt tears an ACL. There is reason to be optimistic and reason to be pessimistic, the optimism stemming from Adrian Peterson's MVP-winning return from ACL surgery as well as RGIII's own previous return from the same procedure. The pessimism stems from the fact that ROBERT GRIFFIN IS 22 AND THIS IS HIS SECOND ACL TEAR. So we'll see.

How ridiculous will Joe Flacco's ridiculous contract be?

Image by Richard Clement / Reuters

Probably pretty ridiculous! Joe Flacco had arguably the best postseason by any quarterback ever, throwing 11 touchdowns and zero interceptions en route to a Super Bowl title. Questions about whether the Ravens would pony up "elite" quarterback money for Flacco prior to the postseason have been replaced by questions about whether the Ravens will need to acquiesce to all of Flacco's absurd, inexplicable demands, which reportedly include a permanent Humvee detail to ferry him around Baltimore and a bunch of actual, live ravens that can not only recite but also compose their own poetry. So yeah, the Ravens are going to have to pay Joe Flacco a bunch of money.

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Here's one guy who will inspire you to stop whining and just make your life work.

Are you having a rough day?

Oh yeah, that's tough.

Source: daves4

Wow, you're so brave.

Source: daves4

That sucks about your Pizza Rolls, man. How are you going to get through that?

Source: daves4

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Myles Crosby chose to put aside a potentially lucrative career in modeling to focus on football.

This is Myles Crosby. He's the newest member of the Southern Methodist University football team. He's also a world famous male model.

You may recognize Crosby from the pages of Esquire or GQ. As a high-schooler, Crosby became a renowned male model for Calvin Klein products, and models.com currently ranks him as the 11th in a list of the top 50 working male models. According to the Dallas Morning News, could pull in a six-figure income if he chose to — but Crosby's also pretty good at football.

Crosby racked up more than 100 tackles in his senior season at Colleyville Heritage in Texas, a 5-A school. So instead of chasing money, Crosby's going to put his very valuable body on the line and keep playing football.

Via: highschoolsportsblog.dallasnews.com

You might think Crosby will be picked on by teammates and opponents for being a male model, but... his work speaks for itself. He'll probably post this on his locker.

Via: models.com

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Holy crap. That is a horrendously racist thing to say.

Former Man City Star Mario Balotelli recently joined Italian power AC Milan.

Image by Antonio Calanni / AP

AC Milan's VP Paolo Berlusconi (younger brother to former Italian Prime Minister Silvio) called his team's newest star this strange name:

Image by Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

Which translates to:

Image by Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

"Okay, we are all off to see the family's little n*****. He's a crazy head. All the young ladies are invited as well -- you can even have a chance to meet the president (Silvio Berlusconi)."

Source: soccernet.espn.go.com

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In a record-tying Rockets win over the Warriors, Lin reminded the world why he's still the dude.

See that guy with the three-goggles on? That's Jeremy Lin.

You might remember Jeremy. As a member of the Houston Rockets, the sometimes-great, sometimes-confusingly-bad 8th-place squad in the Western Conference, Lin has been up and down this year, but lately he's been starting to hit a stride: in his last five games, he's averaging 17 points and 7.6 assists with only 3.2 turnovers, and his percentages are way up, at 53% from the field and 50% from three.

Tuesday night, Lin and the Rockets basically reached peak offense. The team tied an NBA record with 23 three-pointers against the Golden State Warriors en route to a 140-109 win — 140 points!

Image by Rick Bowmer / AP

Lin had nine assists, including this one, and when he wasn't #DROPPING #DIMES —

— he was getting that money on his own.

Lin was 5-8 from long-range, including this one, the previous one, and —

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