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The 17 Most Absurd Super Bowl Halftime Moments

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The Super Bowl halftime show is ostensibly something the whole family can enjoy, and yet it's so consistently, totally weird.

We'll kick it off with the earliest chronologically: In 1991, New Kids on the Block let the little children come to them. Hey, kids.

We'll kick it off with the earliest chronologically: In 1991, New Kids on the Block let the little children come to them. Hey, kids.

From Super Bowl XXV

In 2001, Ben Stiller pretended to be halftime coordinator Timothy Swackhammer during a weird introductory skit —

In 2001, Ben Stiller pretended to be halftime coordinator Timothy Swackhammer during a weird introductory skit —

— where Adam Sandler danced like this and told NSYNC they were forgetting "the streets." Neither man ever worked again.

— where Adam Sandler danced like this and told NSYNC they were forgetting "the streets." Neither man ever worked again.

From Super Bowl XXXV

Gwen Stefani belly-danced while Sting sang "Message in a Bottle" in 2003, which is like moshing to smooth jazz.

Gwen Stefani belly-danced while Sting sang "Message in a Bottle" in 2003, which is like moshing to smooth jazz.


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Ray Lewis Thinks The Story Linking Him To Banned Substances Is The Work Of The Devil

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Start the Super Bowl already before Ray tackles a reporter.

Image by Matt Slocum / AP

Ray Lewis has found himself in a bit of hot water this week after Sports Illustrated uncovered that Lewis was linked to a company that makes a product to assist athletes recovering from injury. Lewis reportedly called the company and ordered a spray made from deer antlers — which contains a banned peformance-enhancing supplement — just after he tore his triceps muscle in October. Lewis has summarily denied taking anything illegal, and attributed the timing of the story, just before the final game of his career, to some devil trickery.

Ray...are you still talking about football and deer-antler spray? We're talking about football and deer-antler spray. *slowly walks away without making sudden movements*

Image by Matt Slocum / AP

HT Michael David Smith at Pro Football Talk


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Harry Potter Sustained An Astoundingly Dangerous Number Of Concussions

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“Harry felt as if his head had been split in two.”

How many wizards am I holding up?

Image by Warner Bros.

Increased understanding of concussions' long-term dangers has made football a more uncomfortable sport to watch; seeing Patriots running back Stevan Ridley seemingly knocked unconscious during the AFC championship game was upsetting in a way that it wouldn't have been 10 years ago. News-conscious football fans might have started noticing concussions in another context as well: fictional adventure stories. Heroes are always getting slugged in the head in the middle of tense situations and waking up somewhere perilous — the blackout is a convenient device for wrapping up one scene and starting another without any break in the action. And wizard icon Harry Potter suffers such injuries at a frequency that's unusual even for his brand of dashing, courageous protagonist.

The good news is that fiction isn't real, so we don't have to worry about Harry fighting depression, memory loss, and early-onset dementia. But it does seem likely that characters casually and quickly recovering from repeated, forceful blows to the head will become a distractingly implausible anachronism for future readers of J. K. Rowling's series, not to mention fans of countless other spies and detectives. (Perhaps a return to the days of frequent chloroforming is in order.) Here, a review of all the brain trauma Harry suffers.

Note: The Mayo Clinic defines a concussion as any blow or violent shaking of the head "that alters the way your brain functions." Seeing stars? Feeling woozy? Needing a few minutes to collect your thoughts? They're all a form of concussion, and they're particularly bad for pre-adults.

The Sorcerer's Stone
— Battling his murderous teacher Quirrell, Harry is flung through the air and falls "into blackness," presumably after smashing into the floor or the wall. He wakes up three days later.

The Chamber of Secrets
— Harry and Ron crash Mr. Weasley's flying Ford Anglia into the Whomping Willow: "With an earsplitting bang of metal on wood, they hit the thick tree trunk and dropped to the ground with a heavy jolt ... a golf-ball-sized lump was throbbing on Harry's head where he had hit the windshield."

The Prisoner of Azkaban
— Harry passes out during a Quidditch match when Dementors approach, falling from his broomstick and waking up in the hospital wing later to overhear people saying things like, "I thought he was dead for sure."

The Order of the Phoenix
— Startled while hiding in a flower bed outside the Dursleys' house, Harry cracks his head against a window sill: "Harry felt as if his head had been split in two; eyes streaming, he swayed, trying to focus on the street and spot the source of the noise."
— Just a few moments later, Dudley Dursley punches Harry in the side of the head: "Small white lights popped in front of Harry's eyes; for the second time in an hour he felt as though his head had been cleaved in two."
— Practicing Occlumency lessons with Snape, Harry blacks out, then finds himself lying on the floor after he regains consciousness. "There was a lump on the back of his head from where he had hit the ground and he felt feverish."

(In addition to the times he's actually injured, Harry demonstrates concussion-like symptoms throughout Phoenix. He's grown accustomed to his scar hurting when his mind connects to Voldemort, but in this book, routinely finds his head "throbbing fit to burst ... beginning to ache ... pounding" even when no telepathic link to the Dark Lord has been established.)

The Half-Blood Prince
— Hiding in the Slytherin compartment on the train to Hogwarts, "Harry ... did not notice Goyle reaching up for his trunk; as he swung it down, it hit Harry hard on the side of the head. He let out an involuntary gasp of pain ... eyes still watering and head still throbbing ... he toppled out of the luggage rack and fell, with an agonizing, floor-shaking crash at Malfoy's feet ... [Malfoy] stamped hard on Harry's face. Harry felt his nose break; blood spurted everywhere."
— During Quidditch tryouts, one Gryffindor "managed to raise a lump the size of an egg on the back of Harry's heard with a ferociously hit Bludger."
— Ron's replacement as goalkeeper, McLaggen, mishits a Bludger into Harry's face, cracking Harry's skull and knocking him out for hours. C'mon, McLaggen!
— Snape gets the best of Harry in a duel: "[Harry] fell forward, his face smacking the ground, blood pouring out of both nostrils ... Harry felt a white-hot, whiplike something hit him across the face and was slammed backward into the ground. Spots of light burst in front of his eyes."

The Deathly Hallows
— Traveling on a flying motorcycle piloted by Hagrid, Harry is ambushed by Voldemort and falls from the sky, slamming hard into a muddy yard, knocking out some teeth, bloodying up his head and face, and knocking him unconscious.
— Remus Lupin sends a spell at Harry that slams him into a wall. "He could feel a lump swelling where his head had hit the wall."
— Battling Death Eaters inside Hogwarts Castle, a terrible explosion knocks Harry to the ground and covers him in debris. Disoriented and confused, he realizes the explosion has killed Fred Weasley.

The Tally: 7 books, 13 concussions, 4 of them severe, all before the age of 18. Hope he can still get coverage under the Hogwarts insurance plan.

The 16 Best Super Bowl Commercials Of All Time

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If you're someone for whom the game is secondary, here's a look back at the best the Super Bowl has ever had to offer.

Budweiser: Wazzzzup?

Sure it inspired millions of wanna-be "cool dads" to repeat it ad nauseum, but any commercial that turned into a legitimate cultural phenomenon on the level of "Gangnam Style" deserves inclusion. Also I bet Psy shows up in a Super Bowl commercial. Just culturally relevant enough to seem hip, but already too late to really make sense. The last gasp of stardom.

Source: youtube.com

NFL: Sitcom Football Fans

Kramer's a Bills fan? I'm sold.

Source: youtube.com

Volkswagon: The Force

This is just perfect. Amazing use of Star Wars. Charming as hell. Captures the wide-eyed wonder of childhood. Now that's a great commercial.

Source: youtube.com

Budweiser: Frogs

It's shocking how simple this is considering the impact it made. Brilliant.

Source: youtube.com


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11 Reasons Why Michael Jackson's Super Bowl Halftime Show Was The Best

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Before Michael Jackson, Super Bowl halftime shows only had marching bands and stuff and they were super lame. He single-handedly made halftime better for you and for me and the entire human race.

His entrance.

His entrance.

The way he stood on stage for 90 seconds without doing a damn thing and it was still the greatest thing ever.

The way he stood on stage for 90 seconds without doing a damn thing and it was still the greatest thing ever.

Source: youtube.com

The dancers.

The dancers.

The dancers' faces.

The dancers' faces.

Image by George Rose / Getty Images


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Reporter Owns Drunk 49ers-Fan Videobomber On Live Television

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Note to drunk football fans: Don't approach television cameras.

Jessica Sanchez of WKMG-6 in Orlando was doing a live report from Bourbon Street when a drunk 49ers fan stumbled into the picture. Sanchez seamlessly changed the topic to sexually transmitted diseases.

Source: youtube.com

H/T Bob's Blitz


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One Time When Rushing The Court Is Completely Unacceptable

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The rush-the-court epidemic is corrupting America's youth.

Rushing the court is a polarizing activity: you either love it or hate it. And though there's no steadfast rule, one instance when it definitely is not cool is when there are nine minutes left in the game.

Rushing the court is a polarizing activity: you either love it or hate it. And though there's no steadfast rule, one instance when it definitely is not cool is when there are nine minutes left in the game.

This rambunctious little tyke stormed the court a little early during the Baylor-Oklahoma game last night. He was quickly snagged and carried off the floor.

Source: youtube.com

He was given one of the biggest cheers of the night, as Baylor went on to lose the game.

He was given one of the biggest cheers of the night, as Baylor went on to lose the game.

The 12 Signature Moves Of Pacers Dance Cam Kid, America's Newest Dance Sensation

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Kid's got moves. All sorts of different moves.

At a Pacers home win over the Rockets on January 18, Indiana's "Old School Dance Cam" trained its eye on one lucky young fan as Run D.M.C.'s "It's Tricky" played over the PA. He took full advantage of his moment in the sun, deploying a variety of moves over the course of the next 45 seconds or so. Here's a breakdown.

The "Look At Me I'm On Camera"

The "Look At Me I'm On Camera"

The "Egyptian Soldier"

The "Egyptian Soldier"

The "Let's Go, I Know Kung Fu"

The "Let's Go, I Know Kung Fu"


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Kris Humphries Mocks His Kim Kardashian-Besmirched Past In New Commercial

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Being in Kris Humphries' entourage totally sucks.

Watch this commercial real quick. It's for Footlocker, and it features beard-admiral and NBA All-Star James Harden as well as the Kardiashianed One, Kris Humphries.

Source: youtube.com

Act One: this is James Harden.

Act One: this is James Harden.

Being in James Harden's entourage is great. See how happy it makes D? Even while Harden's being like, "Dude, you wore those shoes yesterday, that behavior is not worthy of me."

Being in James Harden's entourage is great. See how happy it makes D? Even while Harden's being like, "Dude, you wore those shoes yesterday, that behavior is not worthy of me."


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Watch An NBA Fan's Heart Break

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One poor Detroit Pistons fan didn't know his favorite player had been traded just before the game.

The Detroit Pistons parted with the last remaining member of their 2004 NBA championship winning squad yesterday when they agreed to ship Tayshaun Prince to Memphis in a three-team, six-player deal. Prince had played in Detroit for the entirety of his decade-long NBA career, so naturally some fans will be upset with the decision. One particularly unlucky fan was completely blindsided when he showed up to watch the Pistons take on the Pacers.

Tayshaun Prince's biggest fan had prime seats right next to Detroit's tunnel, and waited for Prince to emerge.

Tayshaun Prince's biggest fan had prime seats right next to Detroit's tunnel, and waited for Prince to emerge.


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The Baltimore Ravens Are The Clear Super Bowl Favorite (For Animals)

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Can a cat, camel, and porcupine possibly be wrong?

Teddy Bear, a porcupine, is firmly on Baltimore's side. No hesitation whatsoever.

Last year, Teddy nailed the upset with his Giants pick.

Via: youtube.com

Mr. Nuts, a Bay Area cat, has defiantly picked Baltimore to prevail.

Mr. Nuts' owners are actually rabid Steelers fans, but they're confident that the feline's powers of prediction will find their AFC rival victorious. (He has never been wrong.)

Via: youtube.com

Princess, a New Jersey camel, also says the Ravens will triumph.

Princess, much like Mr. Nuts and Teddy Bear, also nailed New York's upset of New England last year.

Via: abc2news.com

And how could you go wrong with five random ADORABLE puppies? Yet another pick for the Ravens.

The 49ers never had a chance with this one.

Via: now.msn.com


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San Francisco 49ers Who Appeared In An "It Gets Better" Video, Deny Ever Being In An "It Gets Better" Video

Both Ravens And 49ers Vocalize Support For LGBT Rights

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Despite Chris Culliver's anti-gay comments, there are many supporters of the LGBT community playing on Sunday. All of that in the Super Bowl edition of this week's snippets.

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo on why he supports gay rights:

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo on why he supports gay rights:

(USA Today, September 2012)

Image by Nick Wass / AP

His response to 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver's anti-gay comments:

His response to 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver's anti-gay comments:

(New York Daily News, January 2013)

Image by Scott Halleran / Getty Images

San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh on how he would treat a gay player on his team:

San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh on how he would treat a gay player on his team:

(Advocate, January 2013)

Image by Scott Halleran / Getty Images

Jim also responds to Culliver's comments and recent apology:

Jim also responds to Culliver's comments and recent apology:

(New York Daily News, January 2013)

Image by Jeff Chiu / AP


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The 19 Funniest Super Bowl Ads That Will Never, Ever Happen

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Our friends at The Classical should be allowed to write all the Super Bowl ads.

In the depths of Thursday night, BuzzFeed Sports contributor and The Classical editor David Roth decided to come up with some hypothetical Super Bowl ads. Then the Internet joined in. These will never air. That's a pity.

In the depths of Thursday night, BuzzFeed Sports contributor and The Classical editor David Roth decided to come up with some hypothetical Super Bowl ads. Then the Internet joined in. These will never air. That's a pity.


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Hotties Of The 2013 Super Bowl


Hear Manti Te'o Hoaxer Do His Lennay Kekua Voice For Dr. Phil

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This is impressive. And crazy. Crazpressive.

On today's Dr. Phil show, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo finally performed the Lennay Kekua voice to prove he was the voice on the phone. First he stepped behind a screen to do it, but the performance was not wholly convincing.

On today's Dr. Phil show, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo finally performed the Lennay Kekua voice to prove he was the voice on the phone. First he stepped behind a screen to do it, but the performance was not wholly convincing.

So they had Ronaiah call on a phone and have a producer witness him do it. The results are crazy.

View Video ›

For comparison, here are the original voicemails:

View Video ›

View Video ›


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LeBron James Complains About A Serious Rich-Kid Problem

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LeBron won't be able to watch the Super Bowl. Poor LeBron.

LeBron James is a big football fan, but he won't be able to watch Super Bowl XLVII this Sunday. The Heat play the Toronto Raptors north of the border at 2 p.m. on gameday, and afterward the team will immediately board a plane and fly back to Miami to prepare for another game on Monday. Apparently the Miami Heat's chartered jet doesn't have satellite television, and LeBron whined earlier this week that he'll be forced to miss the Super Bowl.

To reiterate: A professional athlete will miss watching the Super Bowl because he'll be aboard a private jet. LeBron's actual quote about the situation:

To reiterate: A professional athlete will miss watching the Super Bowl because he'll be aboard a private jet.  LeBron's actual quote about the situation:

Image by Ray Stubblebine / Reuters

H/T Ira Winderman at South Florida Sun Sentinel .

This Given Sunday: It's Time For A Gay NFL Player To Step Up

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It's clear after this week's comments that we need a proud NFL player on the field NOW.

Image by Nhat V. Meyer/San Jose Mercury News/MCT

Before this season, the San Francisco 49ers recorded an ad for the "It Gets Better" anti-gay-bullying campaign. It was just one of many positive recent developments in the fight against homophobia in sports, among them, aggressively pro-tolerance comments from active NFL players Chris Kluwe and Brendon Ayanbadejo, the latter of whom is active in the NO H8 campaign. The tide of gay-rights advancements across the country seemed to be sweeping over the athletic world as well.

Then this week happened. First, former 49er Kwame Harris was outed as the result of a violent fight with an ex-boyfriend; then current 49er Chris Culliver was asked about it and said a he wouldn't play with someone who was gay; then Ahmad Brooks and Isaac Sopoaga, who appeared in the "It Gets Better" video, declared that their participation somehow didn't constitute a condemnation of homophobia. All we need now is for Ayanbadejo to claim that "No H8" is actually a campaign against text abbreviations.

In other words, it looks like gay-rights advocates in the world of sports have themselves a game. Dan Savage, cofounder of the "It Gets Better" campaign, has since taken down the team's video. In a statement released this morning, Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out called Culliver's suspension and for Brooks and Sopoaga to be dropped from the roster after noting that "their crass words and clueless actions are divisive at they are dumb — tearing at the fabric of San Francisco at a time when the Super Bowl should be uniting the city, as well as football fans everywhere." Meanwhile, Chris Kluwe has reiterated the importance of speaking out against homophobia in sports.

In the midst of all this noise, though, the silence from gay NFL players is loud enough to rattle the closets they're surely living in. This would be an entirely different conversation if even just one current player came out. I mean, come on: Players regularly risk concussions and lord knows what else on a regular basis, run headfirst into walls of 300-pound linemen, and stand naked in the locker room in front of reporters — but being out and proud in 2013 is just too scary? Gurl, please.

Football is America's game. The Super Bowl, unlike any other American sporting event, is a fully mainstream event. People who never give a damn about football give a damn about the Super Bowl. And the world is watching. This is the right time.

Waiting until retirement is no longer acceptable; recording "It Gets Better" videos that are so vague players are able to feign ignorance of them months later clearly isn't working; and Chris Kluwe and Brendon Ayanbadejo are great allies, but every ally needs a warrior.

Something Amazing Happens When You Google "Gay NFL Player"

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Search algorithm gets sassy.

Here's Chris Culliver.

Here's Chris Culliver.

Image by Scott Halleran / Getty Images

Here's what Chris Culliver said this week about the possibility of playing with a gay teammate.

Here's what Chris Culliver said this week about the possibility of playing with a gay teammate.

And here's what happens now when you Google "gay NFL player."

And here's what happens now when you Google "gay NFL player."


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George Lucas' Daughter Is A MMA Fighter

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Say what you will about George Lucas, but his daughter Amanda Lucas seems to be taking off on her own.

Via: slashfilm.com

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