Thank you for an amazing season, Mizzou. Thanks for bringing the magic back to Columbia. Here’s a health to thee.
Jamie Squire / Getty Images
Jamie Squire / Getty Images
Mizzou was picked by the media to finish 5th — in the SEC East. And got zero votes in any of the national polls.
Dan Oshinsky / BuzzFeed / Via espn.go.com
Nooooooooooo!!!
Getty / Clive Mason
On Friday morning, FIFA drew the matchups for group play in the 2014 World Cup. Here are the groups:
Group A - Brazil, Cameroon, Mexico, Croatia
Group B - Spain, Chile, Australia, Netherlands
Group C - Colombia, Ivory Coast, Japan, Greece
Group D - Uruguay, Italy, Costa Rica, England
Group E - Switzerland, Ecuador, Honduras, France
Group F - Argentina, Nigeria, Iran, Bosnia-Herzegovina
Group G - Germany, Ghana, U.S.A., Portugal
Group H - Belgium, Algeria, South Korea, Russia
Good job, good effort, old man.
A few days ago, this GIF popped up on Reddit and, well, it's definitely worth watching.
As you can see, Captain Casual was totally unfazed by the ball flying at him and felt that he could simply perform a heel kick while staying on his phone — a move that, if done correctly, surely would have impressed the kids and all the ladies. But instead, he completely whiffed on the ball and was instantly punished for being too cool for school.
Haha. Old man, you make me laugh.
Did you hear about what happened when Idaho played at New Mexico State last Saturday? Of course you didn’t.
AP Photo/The Las Cruces Sun-News, Robin Zielinski
If you're a fan of college football, last weekend had more than enough big games to keep you satiated between plates of turkey. Alabama vs. Auburn. Michigan vs. Ohio State. Florida State vs. Florida. Stanford vs. Notre Dame.
Idaho vs. New Mexico State was not one of those games. Call it the Game of the Weak.
Both teams entered Saturday's game in Las Cruces, N.M., with matching 1-10 records, nothing at stake but school pride and no conference or league to call home. That's because New Mexico State (NMSU) and Idaho are two of the six schools in the NCAA Football Bowl Subdivision that aren't part of a conference.
This happened because their previous league — the Western Athletic Conference — disintegrated in 2012 after most of its schools left for other conferences. Suddenly left with no other options, NMSU and Idaho were forced to play as independents during the 2013 season.
Both programs will join the Sun Belt Conference for 2014, saving them from another season with no tangible (but not necessarily realistic) goals or rewards, such as a league championship or all-conference nominations.
Their season finale on Saturday was, in some ways, a Bizzaro-style Iron Bowl. This game would involve none of the following: a rivalry, good football, media attention, fan interest, or trophy.
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?
If so, why?
An abbreviated history lesson on these two football programs: They're both bad at football.
In 120 years of football, the University of Idaho is 136 games below .500 and has won only 10 conference championships — its last came in 1998. If the Vandals had anything resembling a Golden Era, it would have been when they went 119-51 from 1982–1995 and twice advanced to the national semifinals of the Division I-AA playoffs.
Those good times came to an end soon after Idaho moved to Division I-A (now called the Football Bowl Subdivision) in 1996. Since then, the Vandals have returned to their old losing ways, going 78-144 and earning only two bowl berths in an era where nearly every major program can rig their schedule in such a way to achieve bowl eligibility.
A notable exception was the 2009 Humanitarian Bowl, which seemed a precursor to a long and awesome Robb Akey Era.
Inappropriate!
Holding up funny signs during pregame shows is something of a college football tradition. Before Marshall-Rice today, a single sign in particular stood out. That would be the one that had "PENIS" written on it four times, using "ESPN" to help, acrostic-style.
Naturally, this exploded on Twitter. The sign appears to be a homage. Here's the same theme being used back in 2011:
So basically, "ESPN/PENIS" signs are like the Olympics: they show up every two years to unite the world with their magic.
The Seminoles roll and Michigan State upsets Ohio State, opening up a spot in the national title game for SEC champs Auburn.
After a high-octane day of college football, the matchup of the national title game is (almost certainly) set: Florida State's juggernaut will take on Auburn for all the marbles. The Seminoles punched their ticket with a conclusive 45-7 whoopin' of a game but overmatched Duke team to cinch the ACC title and complete an undefeated season.
ESPN
Earlier in the day, Auburn had won the SEC title behind an absolutely epic performance from running back Tre Mason, who ran 46 times (!) for 304 yards (!!) in a 59-42 defeat of Missouri. This referee probably got the cleanest shot on Mason all day.
CBS
And in the day's most surprising — and best — game, the Michigan State Spartans won their first outright Big Ten title since 1987 with a close-fought but decisive 34-24 defeat of Ohio State. The biggest play of the game by far came when Denicos Allen — a Hamilton, Ohio native — stopped Braxton Miller on 4th and 2 with just minutes to play and OSU trailing by 3.
Fox
It was the Buckeyes' first loss in two seasons, dropped them from a likely berth in the national title game, and made Urban Meyer sad.
Fox
You might know one of these excellent people.
Can you see me now?
Patrick Smith / Getty
Matt Prater kaboomed a 64-yarder like it was nothing.
Justin Edmonds / Getty
Also featuring some incredible finishes, a season-ending injury for Gronk, and the most startled quarterback ever seen.
A wintry snowstorm dumped more than a foot of snow across several East Coast games today. Who says the upcoming Super Bowl — the first to be played in outside cold weather — won't be THE BEST GAME EVER? Not us.
Elsa / Getty
Way to hold your ground, Matt.
Matt Prater makes history with the longest NFL field goal ever AND HE WANTS EVERYONE TO KNOW.
When you start tapping all the buttons on the controller in a desperate panic, GOOD THINGS HAPPEN.
With less than two months until the opening ceremony in Sochi, the U.S. has yet to announce who will lead its delegation to the Games.
German President Joachim Gauck
Antoine Antoniol / Getty Images
A record number of world leaders flocked to the London Olympics last summer, but reports Sunday indicating German President Joachim Gauck will not attend the Sochi 2014 Olympics could be the first sign that Russia's human rights record could hurt turnout among dignitaries at the games.
Gauck's move raises questions of whether other heads of state will forgo attending the Winter Olympics in protest of the host nation's human rights policies.
More than four months before the opening ceremony in London, for example, the White House had announced that First Lady Michelle Obama would be leading the U.S. presidential delegation to the games, saying at the time, "It is traditional for a delegation to travel to the Olympic Games to represent the United States."
However, the White House has not yet revealed plans for a U.S. delegation to Sochi — now less than two months away. Asked Sunday about the Obamas' plans for the games, White House spokesman Shin Inouye told BuzzFeed only, "I don't have any scheduling/travel announcements at this time."
Along with the first lady, over 100 other world leaders attended the London Games, including Gauck, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda, and Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev.
Gauck's decision is seen as a response to the Russian government's violations of human rights and harassment of political operatives among the opposition, but a spokesperson for the president said it was not intended to suggest an outright boycott of the games, German publication DW reports. The German team will still compete at the games.
Russia has faced intense criticism across the globe for its recently enacted anti-LGBT "propaganda" ban, leading LGBT activists and their allies to boycott the games and, in turn, call upon world leaders and major corporate sponsors of the Games to do the same.
President Obama, too, has criticized the anti-LGBT policies, saying, "Nobody's more offended than me," but said a boycott of the Games would not be fair for athletes who have devoted their lives to training. At the time, Obama said gay and lesbian athletes bringing home medals would be a satisfactory rejection of the laws.
Days after Obama's remarks, British Prime Minster David Cameron echoed the sentiment, ruling out a boycott by the United Kingdom, despite pressure from popular comedian Stephen Fry and other LGBT advocates to reject the games.
Wake up, nerds, this is your new favorite player!
During Sunday Night Football's lineup segment, in which players announce their names and alma maters, Carolina Panthers defensive end Greg Hardy introduced himself as a "Kraken" who attended "Hogwarts," the fictional school of witchcraft and wizardry from the Harry Potter book series.
Hardy is a fan of nicknames and has called himself "Kraken" for a while now. This summer, he gave everyone on the Panthers defensive line a new moniker, including one for the whole unit: "MonStrz Inc." And Hogwarts is the best school in the world, so it all makes sense. Also, sunglasses.
No couch is safe.
"this is how East Lansing celebrates a win! #cedarfest all I see is roses baby!"
"Cedar Fest 2013. Who knew burning couches smelled like roses?"
Why?
With three minutes left in the second quarter of Saturday's Cavaliers—Clippers tilt in Cleveland, a guy walked into the middle of the court to tap Kyrie Irving on the shoulder and show him a t-shirt that had the words "KYRIE DON'T LEAVE" written on it in black marker.
Fox Sports / Via ESPN
Kyrie Irving's contract doesn't expire until 2016. It's almost like this guy didn't quite think everything through before running into the middle of an NBA game!
Helping fans become fools since the beginning of time.
It’s too late to apologize. It’s too laaaaate.
Earlier today, U.S. soccer star Alex Morgan announced her engagement to MLS player Servando Carrasco with a subtle photo on Instagram using the hashtag #InstaBling.
Shortly after, she tweeted out a photo confirming the engagement.
The two have been together since I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE! All I know is that he better treat her right because Alex Morgan is an angel. She's an angel! And you don't even know how lucky you got it, dude. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!
When Bruno Mars’ “Marry You” comes on at 0:57, you know it’s gonna be good.
Flips are the coolest.
Over the weekend, a Cirque du Soleil acrobat named David James Rimmer posted a video of himself and a fellow acrobat training on something called a teeterboard — an apparatus that resembles a seesaw, yet allows you to fly. It is essentially the coolest and most dangerous toy I've ever seen.
The proof is in the montage.
As you can see, Rocky and Rocky II rely heavily on dialogue to move the story along, whereas Rocky III and Rocky IV could care less about that sort of thing. As for Rocky V, well, we just don't talk about that one.
The "training" breakdown is a bit misleading because it doesn't count any training done during a montage — which is obviously the key to most of Rocky Balboa's preparation —but it's still interesting to note the difference between the first and last films.
This scientifically proves that Rocky IV is the best film ever. Just look at how much montage there is in that bad boy!
Taking a skate to the face never ends well. (Warning: Graphic Images).
Hockey players are notoriously tough, but some injuries will make the even the most rugged player wince. Sébastien Courcelles, the captain of Thetford-Mines Isothermic of Quebec's Ligue Nord-Americaine de Hockey, experienced one of those injuries over the weekend when a skate caught his left cheek and caused a 13-centimeter gash.
According to the LNAH website, the wound required 50 stitches and over two hours of surgery to close. The image below is of Sébastien's brother Simon helping him off the ice. It is extremely graphic. You've been warned.
