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The 7 Biggest Non-Manziel, Non-Clowney Storylines Of The 2013 College Football Season

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Let’s leave Johnny Football alone for a second…

This off-season has been filled by three big storylines: Can Alabama three-peat as BCS champs? Can Manziel repeat his Heisman performance? And can Jadeveon Clowney do something that rhymes with peat? But there's a lot more than that to be excited about. Here are just a few of the topics we're interested in this upcoming season:

Which new coaches will look like great hires by the end of the year?

Which new coaches will look like great hires by the end of the year?

Last year, rookie coaches Bill O'Brien at Penn State and Kevin Sumlin at Texas A&M established themselves as potential stars by leading shaky teams to strong seasons. This year 31 college football teams have a new coach — most notably Gus Malzahn at Auburn, Mark Helfrich at Oregon, Bret Bielema at Arkansas, and the youngest coach in a BCS conference, Kliff Kingsbury at Texas Tech. Which ones will immediately announce that their programs will be (or continue to be) major players going forward?

Steve Dykes / Getty

The Texas Longhorns are finally back. No, really.

The Texas Longhorns are finally back. No, really.

Since Colt McCoy left, the Longhorns have gone 11-15 in the Big 12. If you call those "rebuilding" seasons, this is what the've built — a team with 19 returning starters and a potentially elite offense highlighted by QB David Ash (who finally gets it), a triple-threat RB rotation, and receivers (Mike Davis and Jaxon Shipley) with both speed and hands. This year is put up or shut up for Mack Brown's program.

Erich Schlegel / Getty

The debut of FSU quarterback Jameis Winston.

The debut of FSU quarterback Jameis Winston.

Jameis Winston is a 6'4" 225 lb. redshirt freshman, who was a 5-star recruit can throw a 100 mph fastball, and was recently called a "rock star" by Trent Dilfer, who also declared Winston to be the future "first pick of the draft." As a member of the FSU baseball team, Winston has his fair share of athletic highlights already, but now we're about to see what the dual-threat quarterback can do as the successor of E.J. Manuel.

Stacy Revere / Getty


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An Adorable Squirrel Interrupts A Match At The 2013 U.S. Open

The 18 Greatest Goal Celebrations In Football History

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We count down from the disappointing (we’re looking at you, Mr. Shearer) to the world class.

The Salute.

The Salute.

Made famous by: Alan Shearer. The dullest celebration in football from the second dullest person in football (after Michael Owen).

Originality: 1/10
Difficulty: 0/10
Style: 2/10

Total: 3/30

tumblr.com

The Dad Dance.

The Dad Dance.

My famous by: Sir Alex Ferguson & Brian Kidd. Like a modern day Fred & Ginger.

Originality: 3/10
Difficulty: 4/10
Style: 1/10

Total: 8/30

YouTube

The 11 of Hearts.

The 11 of Hearts.

Made famous by: Gareth Bale. He's actually trademarked this celebration, so imitate it at your own risk.

Originality: 3/10
Difficulty: 2/10
Style: 4/10

Total: 9/30

tumblr.com

The Trouble Maker.

The Trouble Maker.

Made famous by: Luis Suarez. After then Everton manager David Moyes suggested Suarez dives, this was the Uruguayan's reaction to putting Liverpool ahead in the Merseyside derby. He's nothing if not consistent.

Originality: 7/10
Difficulty: 2/10
Style: 2/10

Total: 11/30

tumblr.com


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Young Fan Draws "Get Better" Sign For Injured Ballplayer, Player Hangs Sign In Dugout

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All of this is just too cute.

Last Saturday, the Pittsburgh Pirates placed outfielder Starling Marte on the 15-day disabled list with a bruised right hand. On Thursday, a young fan made him a "Get Better" sign.

Soon Marte found out and came out to meet the little guy.

The sign made Marte really happy.

So he hung it in the dugout, like a proud parent displaying their child's work on the fridge.


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14 Reasons We All Irrationally Hate Alabama Football

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The Crimson Tide are the most annoyingly good team we’ve ever seen.

Nick Saban.

Nick Saban.

Saban is a short, smug, miserable asshole — college football's slightly more personable Bill Belichick. He complained that winning the National Championship cost him a week of recruiting. He quit on the Miami Dolphins. He's also won three National Championships in the past six years, making him the undisputed best coach in college football. Nevertheless...he doesn't rub our noses in his trophy case. He's a tough son of a bitch, like a football coach is supposed to be.

Streeter Lecka / Getty

Twitter: @10AJMcCarron

Twitter: @10AJMcCarron


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The 7 Most Common Types Of Football Fans On The Internet

The Most Scientifically Perfect Football Hype Video Ever Made

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Sensitive female singer + deft color manipulation = STONE COLD TESTOSTERONE EXPLOSION!!! Watch until at least 1:40, but don’t skip ahead.

The Michigan football team was terrible in 2009. They had a fun win over Notre Dame early in the year and then lost, as I recall, their next 58 games. But it's still a season I remember fondly as a fan, almost solely because of a four-minute YouTube clip I watched in September of that year — one which actually chronicled the even worse 2008 season and starts with 90 seconds of failure. Fans often create and share these kinds of sports-highlight music videos online, but this was not your typical hype video. Created by the site MGoBlog, it was set to the song "A Better Son/Daughter" by folksy, female-vocalist-fronted indie band Rilo Kiley — not an obvious choice to pair with college football, which is not a particularly "indie" pursuit.

I was reminded of that song and that video recently by this piece by Sean Collins about music and "the chills." Namely, I was interested in the assertion by Lisa Margulis, a University of Arkansas professor, that the most chill-inducing musical passages tend to involve sudden changes, especially when the change confounds our subconscious expectations about musical form. This video is so great, I think, because it piles changes on top of each other, adding visual and narrative surprises to the sudden turn in the Rilo Kiley song. It's got Triple Chills. The long buildup gets you accustomed to derfs in black and white (there were many derfs in 2008, the program's worst season ever, its inescapable badness being the reason a 100% rah-rah video wouldn't have worked), and then suddenly it's triumph in super-color. It's even better, of course, if you're a Michigan fan and the colors and images (end zone, home fans) are ones that you have a positive Pavlovian response to.

I can't even think of any other level of sensation that a video could work on, short of actually giving me a beer on Friday around 7 p.m., to induce good vibes. I even tested it on non-Michigan fans; my colleague Kevin, who is not only not a Michigan follower but someone who was born without some crucial "human soul" lobe in his brain and roots for Duke, admitted that it left him smiling involuntarily. My fiancee, who is not always totally on board with the all-consumingness of my interest in the athletic accomplishments of 20-year-old kids at a school I didn't even go to, actually gasped involuntarily at the crucial point.

As Collins wrote, "frisson [a term for the 'chills' experience] is a matter of expecting the unexpected: building to something big, something listeners can hear coming — but then doing it so much bigger, more exciting, more unexpected, that it blows up their nervous system anyway, every time." Sounds like a pretty good description of this video, and of great sports moments in general. Standing for three hours packed together with thousands of strangers, it turns out, is not all that different from going to the symphony.

Tim Tebow's NFL Career Is Basically Over

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He was let go by the New England Patriots on Saturday, and yesterday every other NFL team passed on him. Tebow took to Twitter to extend his thanks to the Patriots and quote scripture.

Michael Dwyer / AP

Quarterback Tim Tebow, as well known for his oft-publicized faith as for his football prowess, was cut from the New England Patriots on Saturday.

Adding insult to injury on Sunday, and essentially dooming his prospects in the NFL, every other franchise in the football league passed on his minimum salary contract.

Tebow was a Heisman Trophy winner as a college quarterback with the University of Florida and made a big splash in the pros as a backup QB for the Denver Broncos. He never followed through on his initial promise and was traded to the New York Jets, then the Patriots.

A devout Christian and evangelist, Tebow spoke publicly of his religion at every opportunity and led prayer circles before every game. On Saturday, following the news of his ouster from New England, Tebow characteristically quoted the Bible on Twitter.


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Federer Is Knocked Out Of U.S. Open In Straight Sets

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The once-dominant star was upset in the fourth round on Monday.

Roger Federer of Switzerland waves to the crowd after being defeated by Tommy Robredo of Spain in the fourth round of the men's singles at the U.S. Open.

Clive Brunskill / Getty Images

No longer the dominant presence he once was, Roger Federer lost in the fourth round of the U.S. Open 7-6 (3), 6-3, 6-4 by 19th-seeded Tommy Robredo of Spain on Monday night.

"I kind of self-destructed, which is very disappointing," said Federer. "It was a frustrating performance."

Monday's loss — his earliest loss at the U.S. Open in 10 years — caps a poor Grand Slam season for Federer. This is the first year since 2002 that Federer did not reach at least one final at any of the four Grand Slam tournaments.

Federer has won a record 17 Grand Slam titles, including five U.S. Open victories.

World No. 1 Tennis Player Denounces Any Attack Against Syria, Says "War Is The Worst Thing In Life"

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“I’m totally against anything that is destructive,” said Novak Djokovic after winning his third-round match at the U.S. Open.

Adam Hunger / Reuters

After winning his third-round match against Portugal's Joao Sousa at the 2013 U.S. Open, world No. 1 tennis player Novak Djokovic spoke candidly about military strikes and his personal experiences as a native of war-torn Serbia.

When a journalist at the post-match press conference asked Djokovic for "any thoughts of what's going on now," the 26-year-old recounted childhood memories of growing up in Belgrade during NATO's 78-day bombing campaign in 1999 to end Serb ruler Slobodan Milosevic's crimes against humanity.

His comments came after Obama asked Congress to weigh in on his decision to strike Syria in retaliation to the alleged chemical attacks on Syrians.

"I'm totally against any kind of weapon, any kind of air strike, missile attack. I'm totally against anything that is destructive. Because I had this personal experience, I know it cannot bring any good to anybody."

"I'm totally against any kind of weapon, any kind of air strike, missile attack. I'm totally against anything that is destructive. Because I had this personal experience, I know it cannot bring any good to anybody."

Adam Hunger / Reuters

"Those particular times that me and my fellow countrymen and colleagues from Serbia have been through is definitely, you know, a period of life that we don't wish anybody to experience."

"Those particular times that me and my fellow countrymen and colleagues from Serbia have been through is definitely, you know, a period of life that we don't wish anybody to experience."

Adam Hunger / Reuters


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Miami Heat Player Udonis Haslem's Wedding Story Is Strange And Beautiful

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The newlyweds walked down the aisle to “2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted” by Tupac. True romance.

On Aug. 24, Miami Heat center Udonis Haslem married his longtime partner Faith Rein after 14 years of dating. Last Friday, The New York Times published a wedding announcement that will warm the hearts of even the most ardent Heat haters.

On Aug. 24, Miami Heat center Udonis Haslem married his longtime partner Faith Rein after 14 years of dating. Last Friday, The New York Times published a wedding announcement that will warm the hearts of even the most ardent Heat haters.

Maggie Steber / New York Times / Via nytimes.com

The couple first met at the University of Florida in 1999, where Haslem, from a Miami ghetto, started for the Gators basketball team. After Rein, who came to UF from a Virginia suburb, dumped her football player boyfriend, she got together with Haslem.

The couple first met at the University of Florida in 1999, where Haslem, from a Miami ghetto, started for the Gators basketball team. After Rein, who came to UF from a Virginia suburb, dumped her football player boyfriend, she got together with Haslem.

After a few months of being friends, Rein told Haslem he should take her out to dinner. He said he would take her to Popeye's for fried chicken, if she paid. And she did!

Twitter: @HEATNATlON / Via nytimes.com

A year into their relationship, as Haslem was training for the NBA draft, Rein found out she was pregnant. After careful consideration, the couple decided to have an abortion.

A year into their relationship, as Haslem was training for the NBA draft, Rein found out she was pregnant. After careful consideration, the couple decided to have an abortion.

“I am not a huge fan of abortion, but we both had sports careers, plus we could not financially handle a baby,” Haslem told The New York Times.

“Udonis appreciated that I was willing to have an abortion,” Rein said. “I found him caring, supportive, nurturing, and all over me to be sure I was OK. I saw another side of him during that difficult time and fell deeply in love. He had a big heart and was the whole package.”

Via nytimes.com

After college, Rein moved New York City to pursue a career in sports broadcasting. Haslem bounced around the NBA, continuing a long-distance relationship with Rein. He would persuade her to rejoin him in Miami when he signed with the Heat in 2005.

After college, Rein moved New York City to pursue a career in sports broadcasting. Haslem bounced around the NBA, continuing a long-distance relationship with Rein. He would persuade her to rejoin him in Miami when he signed with the Heat in 2005.

espn.go.com


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Not Surprisingly, "Cool Runnings" Is Still A Bomb-Ass Movie

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Watching it again, 20 years later.

When I was a kid, Cool Runnings was the epitome of a cinematic adventure with twists and turns, both literal and metaphoric. In fact, I think I might have cried the first time I saw it. When the team is carrying their bobsled to the finish line, and the crowd starts the slow clap, my eyes just fill with tears of happiness. It's a great movie and I'm excited to watch it again. Let's get started.


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14 Times Jose Mourinho Was Much Cooler Than You

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Now ‘The Special One’ has returned to England, let’s relish the cool that he’s brought back.

The time he ruled the world.

The time he ruled the world.

The time he applauded as sincerely as he could.

The time he applauded as sincerely as he could.

When you win this much, there's no need to be gracious.

The time he won everything, probably.

The time he won everything, probably.

No-one victory walks as hard as Jose.

The time he was just... better.

The time he was just... better.


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20 Reasons Andre Agassi's Wig Is Your Sexy Spirit Animal

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Who cares if it wasn’t his real hair? It was glorious.

Hey, remember me? I'm Andre Agassi's luscious locks.

Hey, remember me? I'm Andre Agassi's luscious locks.

Getty

Over two decades ago, I set the the world aflame with my unfiltered sexuality.

Over two decades ago, I set the the world aflame with my unfiltered sexuality.

Rick Stewart / Getty

Here I am in 1988 — great year for me — never needed a blow dryer.

Here I am in 1988 — great year for me — never needed a blow dryer.

Bob Martin / Getty

Oh look, there's Andre protecting me from the rain...

Oh look, there's Andre protecting me from the rain...

Bob Martin / Getty


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The 6 Wackiest College Basketball Courts In Our New Era Of Wacky College Basketball Courts

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Welcome to the club, James Madison University.

James Madison is making a strong play for the eye-catching basketball-court-as-focal-point crown this season with this bulldog-themed motif that the school just unveiled.

James Madison is making a strong play for the eye-catching basketball-court-as-focal-point crown this season with this bulldog-themed motif that the school just unveiled.

Via Twitter: @UniWatch

But this has been a years-in-the-making evolution of court design. In 2010, Oregon stunned the world by debuting this unconventional and, oh, only slightly distracting basketball court image.

But this has been a years-in-the-making evolution of court design. In 2010, Oregon stunned the world by debuting this unconventional and, oh, only slightly distracting basketball court image.

cdn.solecollector.com

It looked so good, several imitators have since sprung up.

It looked so good, several imitators have since sprung up.

Steve Dykes / Getty Images

Last year, Cal State Bakersfield introduced the first completely blue court in college hoops, essentially repurposing Boise State's iconic blue turf on the hardwood.

Last year, Cal State Bakersfield introduced the first completely blue court in college hoops, essentially repurposing Boise State's iconic blue turf on the hardwood.

Via facebook.com


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Is This Man The Best Acrobat In The World?

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If backflips count as votes, then yes.

Ozell 'O' Williams is a "power tumbler extraordinaire" who has showcased his talent for Team USA, the Denver Broncos, the Denver Nuggets and the CU Buffaloes.

Like many of us, 'O' got his tumbling start by jumping off the couch while pretending to be a Power Ranger. And that's pretty much where the comparisons end.

For Ozell, gravity might as well not even exist because his legs are basically springs.

Seriously. I'd tell you how many flips he can do, but I can't count that high.


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Jameis Winston's First Game Was Better Than Cam, RGIII, And Manziel's Best Games Ever

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With a dazzling national TV debut against Pitt, Florida State’s freshman managed to surpass even the lofty expectations that followed him to Tallahassee. If you go by QBR, his performance was even better than the best of the last three Heisman winners.

Justin K. Aller / Getty

Here's how Florida State redshirt freshman Jameis Winston's game Monday compared to the best-ever efforts of the last three Heisman-winning quarterbacks against FBS teams (i.e. against reasonably-qualified opponents) using the QBR stat.

2010, Cam Newton: 9-of-14 for 186 yards and three touchdowns and 15 rushes for 171 yards and two touchdowns vs. Arkansas State. 246.6 quarterback rating.

2011, Robert Griffin III: 21-of-27 for 359 yards and five touchdowns and 10 rushes for 38 yards vs. TCU. 250.6 quarterback rating.

2012, Johnny Manziel: 14-of-20 for 267 yards and three touchdowns and one interception and 16 rushes for 102 yards and two touchdowns vs. Sam Houston State. 221.6 quarterback rating.

2013, WInston: 25-of-27 for 356 yards and four touchdowns and eight rushes for 25 yards and one touchdown.

Winston's quarterback rating against Pittsburgh? 252.2. Better than Cam or Manziel or RGIII's best game.

It was one of those rare performances that exceeded the hype, and Pittsburgh could not have been blamed for being unprepared for a redshirt freshman quarterback with not a snap of college football on his resumé before Monday. Winston's stat line from the first half alone was staggering: 17-of-18 for 240 yards and three touchdowns. By halftime, he was already trending on Twitter.


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This Basketball Trick Shot From 32 Stories Up Is Vertiglorious

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Nothing but net.

This trick shot from a Slip 'n Slide is very good.

This trick shot from a Slip 'n Slide is very good.

Via tumblr.4gifs.com

A cartwheeling cheerleader from center court also sets a pretty high bar for trick shots.

A cartwheeling cheerleader from center court also sets a pretty high bar for trick shots.

buzzfeed.com

But a shot from 321 feet up (98 meters) is just a little bit harder than anything we've seen.

But a shot from 321 feet up (98 meters) is just a little bit harder than anything we've seen.

Because it's really, really high.

Because it's really, really high.


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Chase Utley Makes "Always Sunny" Character's Dream Come True

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The beautiful story of a fictional Philadelphia bar owner and his favorite baseball player.

Five years ago, a 30-something bar owner/degenerate drinker from Philadelphia wrote a fan letter to Phillies star second baseman Chase Utley. He poured his entire soul and second grade education into the love note hoping his hero would respond — and maybe have a catch.

FX

Dear Chase,

I feel like I can call you chase because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you but I think you'd be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have no been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real homerun!

youtube.com


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Cocky Runner Nearly Loses Race In The Most Embarrassing Way Possible

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Showboating gets you nowhere, kids.

The Ironman Triathlon is one of the most grueling tasks that you can put your body through. The race consists of a 2.4-mile swim and 112-mile bike ride and concludes with a full 26.2-mile marathon.

Nigel Roddis / Getty

Ironman Triathlons are held all over the world, culminating in the World Ironman Championships in Kona, Hawaii.

Matthew Lewis / Getty


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